Choose one of my warnings to view:

1. Watch your step
2. Cupholders
3. Pop machine
4. Parking garage arm
5. Dumpsters
6. Gas explosion
7. Grocery ride
8. Bucket
9. Zap!
10. Canada zap!
11. Subway zap!
12. Inside zap!
13. Giant saw
14. Tailgate
15. Truck tailgate
16. Flammable vapors
17. Rotating driveshafts
18. Zapped again!
19. Hot oil leaks
20. Tailgate... with boxes!
21. Crane crunch!
22. Golf Cart 1
23. Golf Cart 2
24. Moving gate
25. CD shelves
26. Garbage truck
27. Stairs
28. Juicer
29. Load Lifter NEW!
30. Boring Machine NEW!
30. Mulcher NEW!

I have the worst freaking job in the world.

You know those warning signs you always see with the stick man falling down or being crushed or otherwise incurring bodily harm? That's me. I posed for those pictures.

My entire purpose in life is getting hurt so we can put up signs to protect people who are stupid and/or illiterate. Is it really worth it to go through all this pain and humiliation just to ensure the safety of someone who doesn't realize that if they stand under a parking garage gate long enough it will eventually hit them in the head.

Aren't we better off without these people?

Ah, well. Even a stick-man has got to make a living somehow (my cousin is the guy who lets you know when it's safe to cross the street. Lousy jerk doesn't know how easy he's got it).

I'm Stick Figure Warning-Man, and my follies are meant to serve as a cautionary tale. Look upon my works and weep.

Or just be glad you're not me.

©2008, Amalgamated Humor, Inc.