I honestly thought they were kidding when my agent called me about this one.

"Hey, SFWM, I got you another gig!" he said.

"Great," I replied with the usual contradictory mix of being glad for the work and weary fearful anticipation of what the work would actually involve. "What do I need to warn people about this time?"


"Stairs?" That couldn't be it. "Stairs on fire?"


"Icy stairs?"


"Those stairs you see in cartoons sometimes that suddenly flatten without warning and send people perilously cascading downward?"


"Is there anything," I asked, "particularly unusual or dangerous about these stairs?"

"They're on a bus," he replied.

"A double decker bus? A bus made of butter?"

"Nope. Just the regular entrance stairs on a regular bus. They want you to act out how someone might trip on them."

OK then. I've certainly had much more dangerous and painful gigs in my day, but I'm not sure I've ever had any stupider.

©2002, Amalgamated Humor, Inc.