"It wasn't supposed to go like this."

Web site's 2nd anniversary celebration not so smooth

August 30, 2001
By Al Vardo
Features Reporter

|CLICK HERE for photos of the big celebration!|

ANN ARBOR, MI- "Holy cow, he's on fire!"

Those were the words of famed comedian Geechy Guy in the middle of his set, as he observed Amalgamated Humor co-president Brodie H. Brockie accidentally set the sleeve of his sportjacket on fire Wednesday night, as the company celebrated the second anniversary of their humor web site, Cap'n Wacky's Boatload of Fun (

Sadly, that was one of the better events of the evening.

The red carpet arrivals to Ann Arbor's Ramada Inn South failed to bring the turnout of fans organizers had hoped for. Even pop dream boats Backstreet Boys showed up for a time, until their management realized they had confused the event with a much better one.

Cap'n Wacky's arch-enemy, Cap'n Shifty, attempted to sneak in as a member of the group, but was forcibly ejected while shaking his fist and vowing revenge.

Brockie showed up with several lady friends, whom he said he had met on a recent fact-finding expedition to Detroit's Cass Corridor.

"They're, uh, small business, investors. Yeah," said the co-president.

Amalgamated Humor's other half, President RJ White, arrived with rocker Joan Jett.

"I don't know, I hadn't seen her in a few years. I was expecting her to look like she did on the cover of Album," said the ever-cheerful Mr. White with a heavy sigh. "I'll be at the bar."

The man of the hour himself, website mascot Cap'n Wacky, was noticeably absent from the proceedings until he showed up about an hour into the party, smelling of cheap rum. The venerable wooden sailor promptly nestled into a corner of the room and passed out.

Other luminaries could be seen making the rounds. Advice columnist and raconteur Zonar was seen escorting a clone of respected actress Angela Lansbury, until her jaw fell off into a punch bowl and the two had to leave the party abruptly. Film expert Hairy Knavel was staked out by the buffet table for the better part of the evening, leaving only to purge occasionally when filled with canapes.

The entertainment portion of the evening, hosted by Amalgamated Humor P.R. head Gary Newbrunswick, got underway with a ceremony honoring recipients of the Disgruntled Employee of the Month award. Only one, unofficial company historian Dana Brean, was on hand.

Mr. Brean refused to leave his felt and cardboard display on the history of the site to come up to the stage for fear that "vandals would destroy his precious life's work."

After an uncomfortable laugh, Newbrunswick informed the audience that most of the evening's entertainment, including headliner Sheena Easton, had cancelled at the last minute. Instead, the assembled thirty or so people would be treated to the comedy stylings of 'Star Search' champion Geechy Guy.

Halfway through his set, in which he evicerated the airline industry for having poor food service, the unfortunate incident with Mr. Brockie occured.

According to police reports, Mr. Brockie - a non-smoker - was obsessively flicking at his lucky Zippo lighter, when it finally lit and caught his jacket on fire. Eyewitness statements indicate that the jacket appeared to have been made from a highly flammable material, as the whole thing burst into flames rather quickly.

Thinking fast, Mr. White pushed Hairy Knavel onto the smoldering humor comapny executive to smother the flames. The flames were extinguished, and only Mr. Brockie's muffled whimpers could be heard under the morbidly obese man.

Mr. Brockie was wheeled to a waiting ambulance to the hospital, saying "It wasn't supposed to be like this, Mr. Lighty was empty, he must have filled it," over and over again.

After this, the mood turned rather somber, with most guests leaving. Mr. White entered into a heated arguement with Mr. Brockie's escorts and Mr. Guy over some sort of payment for services rendered.

Cap'n Wacky was allowed to stay in the conference room overnight, at the standard rate.