August's featured employee: Louise Tuttle, Materials Placement Specialist
GARY NEWBRUNSWICK: Congratulations, Louise! You're our Disgruntled Employee of the Month!
LOUISE TUTTLE: Wait, I already was that once.
GN: Oh, I know that.
LT: Have you done everyone else already and come back around to me?
GN: No, no. It's just that you were the first Disgruntled Employee of the Month published on our website ten years ago, so I thought it would be fun to check in with you again for the anniversary.
LT: My goodness, has it really been ten years since that?
GN: It has.
LT: Wow. Time sure flies. That means I've been with the company...
GN: 60 years by my count.
LT: 60 years! That's right. It's already here.
GN: Your 60th year with the company? That's right.
LT: Could you excuse me for just a moment, I want to call my husband, Mike.
GN: Right in the middle of the interview?
LT: It'll just take a second.
GN: Sure, OK. Lemme just pause the ta-
GN: OK, we're back. So are you still a stuffer with the company?
LT: Oh yes.
GN: How has the stuffing game changed over the last 10 years? What are you stuffing now?
LT: Well, the proliferation of the internet and e-mail and such has meant a lot less stuffing of envelopes, but there are still plenty of things that need to be stuffed: spring snakes into fake peanut cans, company spokes models into tight dresses, etc. As long as this company keeps making stuff, they'll need someone to stuff some of that stuff into other stuff.
GN: Do any stuffing for our company presidents in the last ten years?
LT: Mr. White really likes the olives for his martinis stuffed just so. Generally with garlic, but occasionally blue cheese. Mr. Brockie loves to see tiny dogs stuffed into hilarious outfits.
GN: Still doing some stuffing in your free time?
LT: Oh yes. In fact, recently I'd stuffed a few suitcases.
GN: Really, going on a vacation?
LT: Hmm. Not really. You see, people come back from a vacation.
GN: I - what? Are you OK?
LT: I'm great, Gary. (A loud rhythmic rushing of air is heard.)
LT: There's my ride.
GN: What? Where did that helicopter come from?
LT: It's mine. This window just slides open, right?
GN: Yes, but -
LT: HI, MIKE!
Mike Tuttle: HI, HONEY! READY?
LT: YOU BET!
GN: What is happening?
LT: There's one other thing I've been stuffing, Gary. All the time I've been working here. Something I never told you about.
LT: My pockets. With money. Company money. For 60 years.
GN: Oh my...
LT: THE LADDER, MIKE!
MT: YOU GOT IT, WEEZY!
LT: SO LONG, SUCKERS! I'LL SEND YOU A POSTCARD FROM PARADISE! (The sound of the helicopter slowly fades.)
GN: Well, that's the last time she gets to be Disgruntled Employee of the Month, that's for sure.