FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Second Anniversary Gala

Guest of honor Cap'n Wacky arrives with Hollywood starlet Natalie Portman on his arm. Wacky said he asked the actress to be his date after learning she was once romantically-attached to pop-star Moby. "Obviously, she didn't have a problem dating much older, unnatractive men so I thought I'd give it a shot," Wacky said.
Amalgamated Humor