December's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Jingles the Elf
Gary Newbrunswick: Jingles, welcome aboard.
Jingles: Thank you. It's quite an honor to both be hired here at Amalgamated Humor and be chosen Employee of the Month, all in the same week. Quite an honor, indeed!
GN: Well, it wasn't easy hiring you. Your former boss is quite the shrewd negotiator.
J: Aw, that's just because he's had the same team for what seems like an eternity, and the old guy doesn't like to see things split up.
GN: How do you like it here so far?
J: Oh, it's just wonderful! Everyone's just treated me so darn nice and there's a smile around every corner!
GN: Great, glad to see you're settling in. What do you think of your new position?
J: I haven't started yet, but I'm just rarin' to start making fun toys and playthings for good little boys and girls!
GN: Oh, no, that's not it at all.
J: What isn't?
GN: Your job. Actually, you'll be part of the annual yuletide display in the employee cafeteria.
GN: Yup. It's an Amalamated Humor tradition. We used to have a real midget, an actor even- I think he was an extra in "Under the Rainbow"- but he died last May. So, Mr. Brockie had a great idea- "You know, Gary," he says to me- we golf together, you know- "Why use these midgets who die every seventy years or so, when we can get us one of them elves that last twice as long, for less money?" So, our personnel people worked on it, did the negotiations, and well, here you are!
J: What? What display? What the XXXX's going on here?
GN: You'll just live in that little gingerbread over the fish stick station, and come out and wave for a couple of hours each afternoon.
J: What about the rest of the year?
GN: I don't know. Some sort of storage, I'd expect.
J: STORAGE! XXXXX! Get my XXXXXXXX attorney on the phone! This XXXXXX is XXX XXXX XXXXXXX!
GN: Oh, that's so cute. Why don't you tell the nice people to have a happy holiday?
J: The nice people can XXX XXXX! Put me down! Stop pinching my cheeks! XXXX!!!!!