Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

December's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Mitch Hornbee, Sales.

GARY NEWBRUNSWICK: Thanks for coming in, Mitch.

MITCH HORNBEE: No problem, Gary. Anything for the company.

Mitch Hornbee

GN: Now, you're no stranger to the novelty business, right Mitch?

MH: No, Gary, I surely am not. My grandfather, then my father, then me, right on down the line.

GN: Wow, so there have been three generations of Hornbees here at Amalgamated Humor! Why, that's-

MH: No.

GN: What?

MH: No. I only started working here five years ago.

GN: Oh, well, I just thought-

MH: I used to have my own company. It was my father's and my grandfather's before him. Hornbee Novelty Products. One of the largest in the Midwest.

GN: What happened? Why did you come to work for us?

MH: Well, let's see... hmm, you started viciously undercutting my prices to my distributors, forcing the value of my company down so that Amalgamated Humor could buy it out and fire everyone.

GN: Ah. So, uh-

MH: Eighty-four years. That's how long that company had been in my family. It failed under my watch, Gary.

GN: Well, I wouldn't say failed, persay. I mean, it wasn't your fault. You probably got a bit of a good price for it, right?

MH: My father had a heart attack and died the day the deal was made final. His life's work sold down the river for less than half of what it was worth. The money went to debts incurred when we were trying to fight you off.

GN: All right, but on the bright side, now you've joined our team and have put your years-

MH: Decades, Gary. Decades.

GN: Y-yes. Decades of expertise to work here at Amalgamated Humor, right?

MH: As a junior sales associate? Sure, Gary. I was running my own company when my supervisor was in elementary school. You know how much a junior sales associate makes?

GN: Okaaay, maybe we shouldn't be discussing this. I'm sure there's some sort of legal problem here...

MH: Oh, I don't blame you, Gary. Don't worry, you weren't directly involved.

GN: No, of course not, I mean, what do I, a lowly VP of Public Relations, have to do with the financial underpinnings of-

MH: You can cut it, Gary. you're not on the list.

GN: The list?

MH: Yes, for the past five years, I've been planning, compiling information on every person responsible for the downfall of the Hornbee Novelty empire and the humiliation of my family. From the courier who delivered the papers to that bastard RJ White, I shall have my revenge upon each and every one. Very, very slowly, for as long as it takes.

GN: But I'm not on that list, right?

MH: No.

GN: Alright, then. Um, good luck with that. Have a happy holiday.

MH: You too, Gary.

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