Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

December's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Nast W. Tweed

Gary Newbrunswick: Mr. Tweed, thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule.

Nast W. Tweed
Amalgamated Humor Archives

Nast W. Tweed: No problem, m'boy. No problem at all.

GN: If you don't mind mind my asking, what is it you do around here, exactly? I see you with Cap'n Shifty and those other guys all of the time, but I'm not sure what your job is. Are you one of his bodyguards?

NT: Oh, no, no, no, son. I'm a crony.

GN: A what?

NT: An associate.

GN: An advisor...?

NT: In a way. You see, me and the boys are all Cap'n Shifty's cronies.

GN: What does that entail?

NT: Oh, lots. Costly steak dinners at the stockholders' espense, smoking cigars, drinking brandy, laughing at the Cap'n's jokes all of the time, saying "Good idea, C.S.," that sort of thing.

GN: Oh, so kind of like an entourage, then?

NT: No, that's what those moist rock music orchestra boys have. Bunch of hangers-on yes-men.

GN: And that's different from you how, exactly?

NT: What are you sayin' son?

GN: Well, nothing- it's just that it sounds like you guus pretty much just sit around, boozing it up, just hanging out...

NT: Now hold on, there's a whole lot more to it than that. We advise the old Cap'n on a great many matters vital to this company.

GN: Like what?

NT: Where to get lunch, good topless bars in town-

GN: Now hold on! What the hell does that have to do with the running of this company?

NT: Listen, Mr Northbrunswick. If the Cap'n isn't happy, then this company isn't happy. If one of the Cap'n's friends isn't happy- like, for instance, with certain lines of questioning from certain vice presidents of public relations- then the Cap'n isn't happy. Understand?

GN: Yes.

NT: Good. Now, bring me a copy of the New York World, will you?

GN: Sure, I- wait a minute, that hasn't been published in over seventy years!

NT: I'm starting to feel a wee bit unhappy right now....

GN: Alright, alright...

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