November's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: The Telesupport 1117 Automated Phone System
Gary Newbrunswick: Congratulations.
Telesupport 1117 Automated Phone System: Hello, and welcome to Amalgamated Humor Incorporated. If you are calling to order an Amalgamated Humor Product, please press "1"; if you are calling about a pending lawsuit against Amalgamated Humor, please press "2"; if you wish to file a new lawsuit against Amalgamated Humor, please press "3".
GN: How long have you been working here?
T1117: If you have been bruised, maimed, or made sterile while using one of our products, please press "4".
GN: What kind of special training did you get to master your job? Did you go to college?
T1117: If you have fallen in love with Cap'n Wacky or believe Cap'n Wacky can hear your thoughts, please press "5".
GN: What's one thing no one else at work knows about you?
T1117: If you are a former Amalgamated Humor Employee who wishes to exact revenge, please press "6".
GN: That's great. If you were a cloud, what kind of could would you be?
T1117: If you are calling to complain about the content of our website, please press "7".
GN: Tell me about your family.
T1117: If you wish to hear the warm voice of another human-being instead of the cold metallic hiss of a computer recording, don't hold your breath.
GN: Have you ever met Mr. Brockie or Mr. White?
T1117: If you wish to hear this menu again, press the "pound" button.
GN: Who do you like in the game this weekend?
T1117: Hola, y recepción al Amalgamated Humor Incorporated. Si usted está llamando para pedir un producto unido del humor, presione por favor " 1 "; si usted está llamando sobre un pleito pendiente contra humor unido, presione por favor " 2 "; si usted desea clasifiar un nuevo pleito contra humor unido, presione por favor " 3 ".
GN: Seen any good movies lately?
T1117: "The Runaway Bride" had me laughing AND crying.