Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

November's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Denise Wah, Amalgamated Humor masseuse

GARY NEWBRUNSWICK: Congratulations, Denise!

DENISE WAH: Oh no, Mr. Gary. You need massage again?

Denise Wah

GN: No no, Denise. I asked you to come in here because you've been selected as this month's Disgruntled Employee of the Month!

DW: So you no need massage?

GN: Well, I guess I wouldn't say "no" to one.

DW: I thought so, Mr. Gary. OK, lay down.

GN: Right. There you go. OK, so how long have you been with the company now?

DW: Three year, Mr. Gary. Oh, you are so tense! You're neck muscles all twisted up like...

GN: Pretzels?

DW: No, pretzel too soft. More like -

GN: What? They make some pretty hard pretzels.

DW: I like the Hot Sam. Your neck muscles hard like...

GN: Stone?

DW: Stone not twisted. Something hard and twisted. Maybe roots.

GN: OK. So why does Amalgamated Humor even have a full time masseuse?

DW: Everybody tense.

GN: Why's that, do you think?

DW: Oh, work for crazy people.

GN: I guess.

DW: Crazy people with no souls. Dangerous combination.

GN: Ow!

DW: Oh, you such a cry baby.

GN: That hurt!

DW: Of course that hurt, your back all bunched up like bachelor's laundry.

GN: You use the strangest metaphors.

DW: At least I try to come up with something different, pretzel boy.

GN: So, I imagine one of the hazards of your job is men trying to get fresh with you. Does that ever happen?

DW: You mean, besides you, Mr. Gary?

GN: What? I never tried anything!

DW: Yeah, OK. If that your story on the record.

GN: I didn't!

DW: OK, but why not?

GN: What?

DW: I'm sexy. I know it.

GN: Uh... I don't know what to say.

DW: Oh, Mr. Gary! You're gay!

GN: No, I'm not!

DW: My brother told me all men with moustaches are gay, but I thought he was just crazy from the paint fumes.

GN: I'm not gay!

DW: They why you not try to throw me on massage table and mix your sweat with mine?

GN: Well... it wouldn't be appropriate!

DW: What could be more appropriate than man and woman intertwined?

GN: Uh... I have no idea what to say to that.

DW: Mr. Gary tense.
Salt dissolves in ocean's love.
Close your eyes and trust.

GN: Was that a haiku?

DW: No more speak, Mr. Gary. Shhh..... shh.....

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