Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

November's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Mike Rogers

Gary Newbrunswick: Our Disgruntled Employee for this month is Mike Rogers-

Mike Rogers
Amalgamated Humor Archives

Mike Rogers: This won't take too long, will it?

GN: I don't know, about fifteen minutes. Why?

MR: Well, I'm kind of busy. Busy time of year for me.

GN: Doing what? It says here you're a supervisor in the custodial division. So you're a janitor, then?

MR: No, my position is just in that department. My official title is Chronal Mechanics Engineer.

GN: Do the what now?

MR: You know when we have the daylight savings time and it switches back in the fall?

GN: Oh yeah- "fall forward, spring back."

MR: No, actually it's the other way around, but yes, that's my job.

GN: I suppose that makes sense, to have someone to coordinate that across all of our facilities, make sure everyone does it on time.

MR: Oh, I don't supervise it. I do it.

GN: Do what?

MR: Change the clocks.

GN: Where?

MR: Everywhere.

GN: Here at headquarters, right?

MR: Nope. Every Amalgamated Humor facility across the country. From the largest factory to the smallest mall kiosk.

GN: Wow- that's gotta be at least a couple hundred clocks.

MR: 13,986, to be exact.

GN: And you do this all yourself.

MR: Yup. Takes awhile, too. Some outlets have to wait three months before they're back on correct time.

GN: Why don't people just change them themselves?

MR: Ohhh no. 'Fraid not.

GN: Why?

MR: Those clocks and my job resetting them are the last vestiges of any unionization in this company. I get to spend six months out of the year flying around the country and staying in fancy hotels for moving hands on a clock in someone's office. The other six months I spend in my office napping. They'll have to pry it out of my dead hands, and I have it in writing.

GN: Oh, come on now-

(He hands Gary a crumpled piece of paper)

GN: Let's see "-until pried out of his dead hands, signed Jacob Linnell, Amalgamated Humor CEO, August 16, 1987." Wow.

MR: Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to hop a flight to the Honolulu office for two weeks of extensive clock resetting.

GN: Just one thing- how'd you get that signed?

MR: Let's just say I had certain photos in my posession.

GN: Eh, who didn't? How do you think I got my job? The schmuck was easier to blackmail than Brockie.

Click Here for the Disgruntled Employee of the Month Archives