Our Disgruntled Employee of the Month for October is Horace Tambor, the man who wears the Cap'n Wacky suit at all public appearances.
GN: Hello, Horace. Congratulations on being selected.
HT: Thanks. Do I get a bonus for this?
HT: Oh. Time off?
HT: Oh. Well, what do I get?
GN: Mainly the satisfaction of the fact that we recognize that you do a fine job.
GN: Though to be honest, I mainly just picked you 'cause I thought it was clever to pick someone who wears a costume for October.
GN: Not that we don't think you do a fine job or anything. I mean, I probably would've gotten around to you eventually. Anyway, tell me a little about what you do here.
HT: Well, whenever the Cap'n has to appear at an event, I'm the man inside the costume.
GN: And at what sorts of events does the Cap'n appear?
HT: Ribbon cuttings for Amalgamated Humor retail outlets, company sporting events, staff funerals, press conferences, and the birthday parties of the children of executive and their friends.
GN: Sounds like you keep pretty busy.
HT: I sure do. Cap'n Wacky is always in demand.
GN: You look like you're in very good shape. Does the job demand that?
HT: The job doesn't just demand it, the job ensures it. The entire costume is carved out of wood, to match the statue outside of corporate headquarters, so it's pretty heavy.
GN: How much does it weigh?
HT: You know, I've never actually put it on a scale to find out for sure. My old job was as a personal rickshaw for comedian/fat guy Louis Anderson, and he was slightly lighter than the suit.
GN: Wow. And does it get hot in there?
HT: It sure does. Before I was Louie Anderson's rickshaw, I was a short order cook at a novelty restaurant in Hawaii.
GN: What was the novelty?
HT: IT was inside a volcano. And that wasn't as hot as being inside the suit.
GN: You aren't just making this stuff up to try to seem more interesting than you really are, are you?
HT: If I say "yes" do I lose my bonus?
GN: I told you, there is no bonus.
HT: Oh. Then yes.
INTERESTING SIDE NOTE: Danny Dunbar, the original man in the Cap'n Wacky suit was 6' 4" when he took the job in 1942 and only 4'8" when he retired/died in 1972. The second "Cap'n" was Lance Greely who wore the suit from 1972 to 1977 when he fell asleep at after a ribbon cutting at an outlet store in Hogsnout Missouri. The store employee's thought he was a statue to display in the store until the foul odor of death made it apparent he was not. Horace Tambor has been in the Cap'n's suit ever since. Good luck, Horace!