Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

October's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: David Colambski

Gary Newbrunswick: David. Come in.

David Colambski: Hello, Gary.

David Colambski

GN: Tell us what your position is here at Amalgamated Humor, David.

DC: I'm the watchman.

GN: The NIGHT watchman.

DC: Yes.

GN: Night.

DC: Yes.

GN: Because you're only here at night, right?

DC: That's right.

GN: Never during the day?

DC: Nope.

GN: So you sleep during the day?

DC: Yes.

GN: Interesting. Oh, I'm sorry. How rude of me, I forgot to ask if I can get you something to eat.

DC: No thanks.

GN: Something to drink?

DC: No thanks.

GN: Mmm hmm. Interesting. Colambski is an unusual name. Polish?

DC: I'm not sure. Eastern Eurpoean of some sort.

GN: So it could be from somewhere else.

DC: Yes.


DC: Oh boy.

GN: That's right! I've figured you out, Colambski. Or should I say... DRACULA!

DC: Gary...

GN: I've had my eye on you, Count, and all the clues point to your true identity!

DC: What clues?

GN: Well, the ones I just talked about.

DC: WHAT ones you just talked about?

GN: Well, the... you know, the only being here at night and sleeping by day, uh... not wanting anything to eat or drink, the possibly Transylvanian last name.

DC: That's it?

GN: Well, yes. BUT it's enough! Did you know I'm the one who figured out Zonar is an alien?

DC: Gary, he's got green skin, a snake body, and is constantly referring to everyone as "humans."

GN: Right, and I put all those clues together! Just like I have with you. Oh! I just thought of another one! I hardly ever see very many rats in the office anymore. I bet you're eating them at night, sicko!

DC: Gary, I am not eating rats.

GN: Ohhhhh! Rats not good enough for The Count, eh? Well, la dee dah!

DC: Gary, did Dr. Flimminhoffer switch your medication again?

GN: What's that got to do with it? You know what else? I told the giant sunflowers all about my theory and they agreed with me!

DC: What?

GN: Don't get cute with me, Drac. You know what I'm talking about. Take THIS!

DC: Gah! What the!

GN: Ha ha. That's holy water you've been doused with! Burn, baby, burn!

DC: Gary, this is Sprite.

GN: Well, yes. But it's still been blessed. BURN!

DC: I'm going to go now, Gary.

GN: Back to your TOMB?

DC: Uh... no. Just go.

GN: Wait, wait!

DC: What?

GN: Make me one of your kind.

DC: Goodbye, Gary.

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