Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

NOTE: Gary Newbrunswick has been recently visiting our friend Fidel Castro in hopes of promoting trade in Cuba. Therefore, this month's Disgruntled Employee of the Month questions have been prepared in advance and answered by October's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Janet Poussain

GARY NEWBRUNSWICK: Congratulations, Janet. Tell us what you do here.

JANET POUSSAIN: I'm a sealer.

Janet Poussain

GN: What does your position entail?

JP: Gluing shut the packaging on a wide assortment of Amalgamated Humor products.

GN: Most people would assume your job is done by Robots. Why do you do it by hand?

JP: Several reasons. First off, a dedication to the personal touch. Second, Mr. Brockie is terrified of robots ever since the Robot Kitty incident. Plus, I really enjoy it. I love my work. Love it. Lovin' up on it.

GN: Do you enjoy your job?

JP: Oops. I just answered that in the last response. Didn't notice that question coming up. So, yes. I love it. I enjoy the work. I enjoy the smells. I am enjoying the work and the smells as we talk (write). Yes. I'm enjoying this like buttered moonbeams.

GN: How long have you been with the company?

JP: I enjoy the company of friends, and family, and the spirit of the Zeitgeist of the moment of the flashing. Do you hear that too?

GN: Did you grow up with a lot of Amalgamated Humor Products around?

JP: Around and around and around. That's where the air swirls and mixes with the tropical fandango of papery doves. Don't wake them up. They'll wake up on their own when the time is right.

GN: What did you think when you first found out you'd be working for the company that's the home of America's beloved Cap'n Wacky?

JP: Fishes swim upstream, across the seam, and into the dream. You can't blame the fringe for the gleam of the tapioca sun.

GN: You work at our main manufacturing plant. Do you have any favorite memories of things that have happened there?

JP: Strange beautiful grassy green, with your majestic silver seas.

GN: Hey, wait a minute. Isn't that one from a Jimi Hendrix song?

JP: Uh.... no.

GN: Yes it is. It's from Third Stone From the Sun.

JP: Um... I thought that was a sitcom.

GN: Don't play dumb with me. You were quoting directly.

JP: Hey, I thought these questions were supposed to be prepared in advance.

GN: Uh... damn it!

JP: Ha, nice. Way to kill the bit.

GN: Oh, I killed the bit. Right. I wasn't the one who started in on the plagiarizing!

JP: That wasn't plagiarizing, it was a reference. It was paying homage.

GN: Right. However you want to justify it to yourself.

JP: Well, maybe if you had taken the time to actually interview someone this month instead of just making something up off the top of your head that wouldn't have been a problem.

GN: Look, I don't need any figments of my imagination telling me how to do my job.

COOKIE MONSTER: Hey, hey, hey. That is no way for friends to behave. Stop fighting!

GN: Sorry, Cookie Monster.

JP: Sorry, Cookie.

CM: Here, inhale some more glue fumes and mellow out.

GN: Ahhhh....

JP: Oh, yeah.....

CM: There. Better.

GN: So, how long do you plan to stay with the company?

JP: As long as I can, Gary. As long as I can.

Click Here for the Disgruntled Employee of the Month Archives