August's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Eban Floyd
Gary Newbrunswick: Since this month marks the third year Amalgamated Humor's website has been up and running, I decided to pick capnwacky.com's webmaster to be the first disgruntled employee of the month for our third year. Congratulations, Eban.
Eban Floyd: Thanks, Gary.
GN: So you are the man behind everything at capnwacky.com, eh?
EF: Well, not really. I don't write any of the content or come up with any of the ideas, I just handle all the programming, writing the html code, laying out the pages, that kind of thing.
GN: Hmm. I really don't know anything about how any of that works, but it sounds complicated. You must be very busy.
EF: Uh..... yeah. Sure. Of course I am. I, uh, don't have any time to spend surfing the web or IMing my friends, or shopping on eBay or anything. Oh yeah, all that content pouring into capnwacky.com every week really keeps me hopping it does.
GN: Good to hear it. Do you go through all the e-mail that comes to the website?
EF: No, not all of it. Some of it goes directly to different people's e-mail accounts: yours, Zonar's, Hairy's. I have to sift through all the general mailbox stuff, though, and forward it or delete it.
GN: What kind of mail do we get the most of there? Fan mail? Business offers?
EF: Spam, Gary.
EF: Um, junk e-mail I guess you'd call it. People trying to get you to check out their websites or buy stocks or penis enlargers.
GN: What was that last one?
EF: Penis enlargers, it's a big thing with the spam-mail right now for some reasons. Lots of e-mail for those.
GN: Hmm. Do they work?
EF: I wouldn't know.
GN: What does the e-mail say about them.
EF: I really wouldn't know Gary. I delete them as soon as I read the subject line.
GN: Huh. Well, that's interesting.
EF: No, it's mainly just annoying. I wish I could stop them, but they just keep coming in.
GN: Well, forward one to me and I'll see if I can figure out a way to stop them.
EF: Right. You just said you hardly knew anything about how the web even works.
GN: Just forward it, Eban.
EF: All right, all right.
EF: Do you even look at the website?
GN: No, not really. I see most of the material before it gets put up, so I don't really need to.
EF: I see. So you would never know if I were to change the content at all as I put it up?
GN: No, but I trust you.
EF: Great. Thanks. Besides, you're a complete moron. Right, Gary?
GN: Yes. That's true. I am a complete moron.
EF: I thought so. And you smell like a frat house floor after pledge week.
GN: That, and I reek of failure with a dash of self-loathing.
EF: I thought I caught that. Say, who would you say is the best-looking employee at Amalgamated Humor?
GN: Clearly, that's you Eban. Also, you're the smartest.
EF: Thanks, pal. You suck.
GN: I know it. I know I do.
EF: Well, thanks for saying so. And thanks for this remarkable honor you've given me, and by remarkable honor I mean token acknowledgment that's meant to make up for any real recognition in the form of a bonus or salary increase.
GN: You're welcome. I've got to go now and continue to try to cover up for the ineptitude of upper management. And again, I do suck.