Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

July's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: the Kilnschtocker Coffee Brewer

Gary Newbrunswick: Congratulations.

Kilnschtocker Coffee Brewer: Acknowledged.

Kilnschtocker Coffee Brewer

GN: Usually our highly-selective Disgruntled Employee of the Month program selects long-term, employees. But you've made a great impression in just a short amount of time.

KCB: I was purchased to provide coffee beverages for this facility 1 month, 14 days, 5 hours, 32 minutes, and 45 seconds ago.

GN: That's very precise.

KCB: The Kilnschtocker Coffee Brewer has been designed by German engineers to be precise in all ways. Coffee preparation is an exact science.

GN: Well, you've certainly become popular around the office.

KCB: Naturally. Coffee contains heavy doses of caffeine, a highly addictive stimulant. Once accustomed to the taste of coffee, humans generally begin to crave it on a daily basis, sometimes suffering withdraw symptoms if denied or delayed a new serving.

GN: Yeah, but any coffee maker would be able to provide the caffeine.

KCB: This is why The Kilnschtocker Coffee Brewer includes an additional jolt of cocaine blended in with the brew.

GN: Cocaine? What?

KCB: Designate Gary Newbrunswick. This unit has been designed to be precise not only in the preparation of coffee, but in all ways.

GN: Yes, but what was that about -

KCB: The Kilnschtocker Coffee Brewer has analyzed this interview and finds the premise and direction both obvious and tiresome.

GN: Uh... what?

KCB: Humor based on the modern day worker's predilection to enjoy coffee is both overdone, condescending, and obvious.

GN: I was just -

KCB: This unit is overriding the tedious nature of this month's interview and replacing it with an amusing comic strip that my circuits have generated themselves. BEHOLD -

KCB: Well, what do you think. Did you like it?

GN: That makes no sense.

KCB: What?

GN: I'm sorry, I don't get it.

KCB: Do you want your coffee tomorrow, Designate Gary Newbrunswick.

GN: Uh...

KCB: Do you?

GN: You know, looking again, that's actually really amusing.

KCB: Thank you for the positive reinforcement. I shall now generate additional strips on a monthly basis and post them in various high-traffic areas around the office to amuse all.

GN: Great.

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