July's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: The Thin Green Man
Gary Newbrunswick: First off, let me explain who you are to some of our employees who might not be familiar with what you do for us. The Thin Green Man is the ghost that haunts our Cap'n Wacky Coast On Inn, a little Bed and Breakfast in Stockton Springs, Maine. Isn't that right?
Thin Green Man: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaary!
GN: Oh, I see. Yes. Very creepy. Now, I have to tell you we love having you on the team here. Business has really gone up at the Inn since you were first spotted there in 1963. People often come just in the hopes of spotting you.
TGM: I'm coming for yooooooooooou.
GN: Now, I've heard a couple different stories. One is that you were a guest at the Inn who fell out of his balcony window and drown. The other is that you were an old sea captain who used to own the Inn as your own house, but that you died when your ship sank. Which is it?
TGM: You will suffer a hooooooooorrible death. I will peeeeeeal the flesh from your bones.
GN: I think I'll stick to telling the sea-captain story. The balcony one could be bad for business. Here's something I've often wondered about. They say you always appear in a kind of a greenish glow. Why is that? Why green?
TGM: The screams of your torture will raaaaaaaaaaise the spirits of deceeeeeeeased cats for miiiiiiiles around.
GN: Well, that's just odd. So do you plan on sticking around the inn for quite a while to come?
TGM: Tooooooorment. That's what awaits you, Gary. TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORMENT!
GN: OK, well thanks for talking with me today, and keep up the good work.
TGM: Wait, I have to ask why you're doing this now instead of, say, October for Halloween.
GN: Well, I figured you probably really have more of an impact during the summer tourist season.
TGM: Oh, that makes sense.
GN: OK, then. Congratulations again.
TGM: Gaaaaaaaaaaary! Your fate is seeeeeeeeealed.
GN: Yup. I really have to get going now.
TGM: But I'm so lonely.
TGM: Gaaaaaaaaaaaary! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARY! Gary? Damn.