Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

July's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Hal Meeks

Gary Newbrunswick: This month we have a man with a very important job. On a daily basis, he has to make life and death decisions for countless individuals- Amalgamated Humor Company Pool Lifeguard, Hal Meeks.

The Amalgamated Humor Natatorium, on June 27th, for the "Annual Amalgamated Humor Employee 15-Minute Swim Opportunity"
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Hal Meeks: Oh, I wouldn't say countless, Gary.

GN: Come on, you're being modest. How many lives have you saved?

HM: Not many, really. The pool isn't used that much.

GN: Come to think of it, I've never used it. Where is it exactly?

HM: Building J, section 9-G.

GN: Where's that?

HM: You know the cafeteria?

GN: Yeah.

HM: Underground, about six stories beneath that.

GN: Wow. Who goes down there?

HM: Oh, usually just Mr. White and Mr. Brockie. And a few special invited guests.

GN: See, now, I thought it was a pool for the employees to use-

HM: Oh, it is- we open it up for a quarter of the lunch hour on a day in mid-June each year.

GN: Really? I never heard about that.

HM: Mr. White and Brockie try not to publicize it too much. You've never been there? Never been invited?

GN: No, never.

HM: Hm. Well. One would think, with such a high position, they would have at least asked you, of all people.

GN: Well- maybe they haven't gotten around to it yet.

HM: I suppose. Still, though...

GN: Anyway, moving along, what are your duties as- now, have they ever mentioned me? Like, say "Boy you know who likes the smell of chlorine? Good ol' Gary. Yessir!" They never said anything like that?

HM: Nope. Not that I can recall.

GN Who's been down there?

HM: Let's see- Ms. Vavoom, Gavin MacLeod, Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger, Henry Kissinger, Mike Burton- Bunting- something like that?

GN: Mike Barton? The head of the accounting department? That twerp?

HM: Yup, that's him. Brought his whole family. Mr. Brockie invited them all onto his yacht the next day. Heck of a nice guy.

GN: Barton. They invite Barton. I've been with this company for twenty-one years, put a good spin on every damn evil thing they've done, hid that whole incident with Flimminhoffer's son and the stripper and this is the thanks I get?

HM: Um, it's not that big a deal. It's just a little swimming pool, some barbecueing, that's it. It's no big deal.

GN: Really? Yeah, I guess you're right.

HM: Don't worry, maybe they'll invite you to the next one. You can carpool with your assistant.

GN: Nolan? They invited Nolan Willis?

HM: Yeah, that's the guy- Mr. White said he was pretty bright, should shake things up real good in the Public relations department. Um, Gary?

GN: The interview's over!!

[at this point, only loud sobbing can be heard on the tape]

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