April's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Don Hesling, Mailroom Assistant
Gary Newbrunswick: Congratulations, Don.
Don Hesling: Thank you, Gary. This is quite an honor.
GN: That's nice. So what exactly do- Wait, it is?
DH: Oh, yes! Very much so. I was hoping I'd be chosen some day, but I never dreamed it would be so soon.
GN: You do realize this is for the Disgruntled Employee of the Month feature, right?
DH: Yup! I was so excited when I got the memo telling me it was my turn!
GN: Hmmm- you don't sound sarcastic...
DH: Yes sir! I even called my parents! They're buying a computer to check the site come Friday.
GN: Wait, you're familiar with the web site?
DH: Of course I am!
DH: Oh, I'm a huuuge fan from way back. Why, when Mr. Schwartz was chosen as the head of the postcards feature, I threw a big party down in the mailroom.
GN: Wow, really?
DH: Well, it was just Mr. Schwartz and I, but I made a big cake shaped like a big envelope.
GN: Ah. So, then.
DH: Can I work on the site?
DH: I'd be so good at it. I've been reading every week. I like everything. Even that Flotsam and Jetsam piece about the Amish girl!
GN: I don't think we have any openings in the content division right now...
DH: But I've been applying for months. I figured landing this interview would be my way out of the mailroom and into the fast-pased world of comedy writing for the web.
GN: First off, it's 'humor,' and secondly, I don't really have any power over any hiring decisions at all. I'm just-
DH: Oh, sure, that's not what your nephew's diary that got posted last week said. You got him a summer job.
GN: Well, that's different. I mean, well. It's just different is all. I'm sorry. (pause) His, uh, diary was posted last week? Really?
DH: See, you don't even read your own site! I deserve that job.
GN: No, thanks.
GN: No, thanks.