Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

May's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Gordon "Gordy" Shwartz

Gary Newbrunswick: Way to go, Gordy.

Gordon Shwartz: Thanks, Gary. I'm tickled to death. Really.

Gordon "Gordy" Shwartz
Amalgamated Humor Archives

GN: Tell us what you do here at Amalgamated Humor.

GS: I'm the mail room guy.

GN: And what does that entail?

GS: Are you kidding?

GN: No. Tell us about your duties.

GS: It's not brain surgery, Gary. I sort the mail.

GN: Just incoming or outgoing also?

GS: Just incoming.

GN: Well, that sounds fascinating.

GS: Sure it does. You wanna trade jobs for a while?

GN: Uh, not really. So, anyway, do you have any hobbies outside of work?

GS: No. My entire flipping existence is centered around stacking other people's mail into little stacks and sacks. It defines me.

GN: You're being sarcastic.

GS: You're asking stupid questions.

GN: What sort of questions should I be asking?

GS: I think you know.

GN: I don't know what you mean.

GS: I think there are questions you're just dying to ask me.

GN: Like... um... like what?

GS: Like do I ever open any of the mail?

GN: Well, I assume that sometimes you have to when a letter is just addressed to the company and not to any specific-

GS: But do I ever open any personal mail? Even if it's clearly addressed?

GN: I'm sure none of our readers are really interested if -

GS: But you are. Aren't you, Gary?

GN: No, um... Not really. I guess.

GS: The answer is "no." I don't.

GN: Oh, thank God. I mean, that's a good thing.

GS: It sure is, Lovebunny.

GN: Right, so... What did you call me?

GS: Nothing.

GN: Oh my lord.

GS: You know, Gary. I was just thinking; it's been a little while since I've gotten a raise.

GN: Um... y-you're probably overdue.

GS: Way overdue. I could use a vacation too.

GN: Sure. Whatever you say.

GS: I'd like to go someplace nice and quiet for a little while, somewhere where there aren't so many people a guy might want to talk to, if you know what I mean.

GN: Right. Sure.

GS: You're a smart man, Gary. Say, this interview turned out to be pretty interesting after all, didn't it?

GN: You know, I think maybe I could use a vacation too

Click Here for the Disgruntled Employee of the Month Archives