May's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Gordon "Gordy" Shwartz
Gary Newbrunswick: Way to go, Gordy.
Gordon Shwartz: Thanks, Gary. I'm tickled to death. Really.
GN: Tell us what you do here at Amalgamated Humor.
GS: I'm the mail room guy.
GN: And what does that entail?
GS: Are you kidding?
GN: No. Tell us about your duties.
GS: It's not brain surgery, Gary. I sort the mail.
GN: Just incoming or outgoing also?
GS: Just incoming.
GN: Well, that sounds fascinating.
GS: Sure it does. You wanna trade jobs for a while?
GN: Uh, not really. So, anyway, do you have any hobbies outside of work?
GS: No. My entire flipping existence is centered around stacking other people's mail into little stacks and sacks. It defines me.
GN: You're being sarcastic.
GS: You're asking stupid questions.
GN: What sort of questions should I be asking?
GS: I think you know.
GN: I don't know what you mean.
GS: I think there are questions you're just dying to ask me.
GN: Like... um... like what?
GS: Like do I ever open any of the mail?
GN: Well, I assume that sometimes you have to when a letter is just addressed to the company and not to any specific-
GS: But do I ever open any personal mail? Even if it's clearly addressed?
GN: I'm sure none of our readers are really interested if -
GS: But you are. Aren't you, Gary?
GN: No, um... Not really. I guess.
GS: The answer is "no." I don't.
GN: Oh, thank God. I mean, that's a good thing.
GS: It sure is, Lovebunny.
GN: Right, so... What did you call me?
GN: Oh my lord.
GS: You know, Gary. I was just thinking; it's been a little while since I've gotten a raise.
GN: Um... y-you're probably overdue.
GS: Way overdue. I could use a vacation too.
GN: Sure. Whatever you say.
GS: I'd like to go someplace nice and quiet for a little while, somewhere where there aren't so many people a guy might want to talk to, if you know what I mean.
GN: Right. Sure.
GS: You're a smart man, Gary. Say, this interview turned out to be pretty interesting after all, didn't it?
GN: You know, I think maybe I could use a vacation too