Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

March's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Jackie Bernwood

Gary Newbrunswick: Congratulations, Jack.

Jackie Bernwood: Thanks, Gare.

Jackie Bernwood

GN: Gary is fine thanks.

JB: Well, Gary if you say so. I don't swing that way myself. Ha ha.

GN: Right. Anyway, tell us what you do here at Amalgamated Humor.

JB: Mostly, try to look busy. Ha! No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

GN: Great. So why don't you tell me what you actually do then?

JB: Right, OK. I'm an assistant manager in the accounting department.

GN: Good. Thanks, now what do -

JB: But that's not all I do here, Gary.

GN: It isn't?

JB: No, I'm sort of also the unofficial office jokester.

GN: What? It thought that was Shoeshine Tommy.

JB: No, I said UNofficial office jokester, Gary.

GN: Oh, right. I see. Well, good for you.

JB: It's not just good for me, Gary. It's good for my co-workers too. We're all in this boat together, you know so somebody has to play the jester!

GN: I don't think boats usually have jesters.

JB: What?

GN: Nevermind.

JB: Let me give you an example.

GN: -sigh- Why not?

JB: You know Mitch Honbee in sales?

GN: Yes.

JB: Well, one time I accidentally got a piece of his mail in my inbox and saw it had been addressed to Mitch Hornybee - a typo.

GN: That's great.

JB: So now whenever I see him, I say, "Hello, Mr. Hornybee," just to be a cut up. Sometimes I do this three times a day.

GN: When did you get that letter?

JB: Eight months ago. Mitch always seems to be in a bad mood whenever I see him lately, so I try extra hard to cheer him up.

GN: That's great. So, how long have -

JB: You know Barbara Ashley in the gift shop? One time she tried to give herself red highlights but wound up dying all of her hair red - and I mean bright red like a clown or something.

GN: And ever since you've been calling her "Bozo."

JB: Hey, did she tell you that?

GN: No, I just guessed.

JB: Wow, good guess, Gare. You're a funny guy. Like me.

GN: How long ago did Barbara dye her hair?

JB: Gee, I don't know. A while ago. Three years?

GN: Does anybody around the office have any funny nicknames for you?

JB: Hmm... I don't think so. Come to think of it, nobody really talks to me very much. I usually start most conversations.

GN: Why is that, do you think?

JB: Because I'm such a go-getter, type A, fun-lovin' guy!

GN: If I even told you flat out that everyone hates you, you wouldn't believe me, would you?

JB: No siree, Gare.

GN: Because they do.

JB: Come again?

GN: Everyone hates you.

JB: Ha ha. That's a good one, Gare.

GN: Everyone hates you.

JB: You're all right, man.

GN: Everyone hates you.

JB: OK. Ha ha. Thanks for the laughs, Gare. Are we done?

GN: Everyone hates you.

JB: Did you know your last name is also a town in New Jersey?

GN: Everyone hates you.

JB: I'm going to work on some kinda joke about that.

GN: Everyone hates you.

JB: Hey, maybe I could call you Gary Trenton!

GN: Everyone hates you.

JB: Because Trenton is also a town in New Jersey, get it?

GN: Everyone hates you.

JB: OK, talk to you later, Trenton.

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