This month's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Gary Newbrunswick
(This month's guest interviewer: company co-President Mr. Brockie)
MR. BROCKIE: Are you sure you're ready for this?
GARY NEWBRUNSWICK: Yes. Sure. Why not?
MR B: Well, because three years ago after conducting these interviews on a monthly basis for six years you had lost your faith in humanity, begged to be able to stop, and subsequently was fired from the company is why not.
GN: It was a rhetorical question.
MR B: Oh. Well... that was a rhetorical answer.
GN: No it wasn't.
MR B: Anyway, as long as you're sure.
GN: Well, Dr. Williams thinks I'm ready too.
MR B: The staff psychiatrist?
GN: Yep. He's been a big help getting me over my issues from my last stint of interviews.
MR B: What's he had you doing?
GN: We started with some simple exposure therapy - I'd be in the room with some magazines that had interviews in them. Once I stopped getting the rashes from that, we moved on to actually having me read some interviews. Next I conducted some mock interviews with some cardboard cut-out people, first at 50% scale, later full size. Eventually I was ready to interview my dog, Colonel Barkinson.
MR B: You interviewed your dog? Don't you think that's a little weird?
GN: Well, considering that in the past you had me interview our fictional corporate mascot, the company's phone system, Thor, two ghosts, and a Christmas elf, no I don't think interviewing a dog is that weird. Oh, and you also had me interview a cat.
MR B: Oh, well a dog is weirder than a cat.
GN: How so?
MR B: Well, a cat at least has its own opinions.
GN:: God, help me.
MR B: Are you really sure you're ready for this?
GN: Look, I have to be. OK? Mr. White told me that if I didn't start doing these interviews again I'd be fired.
MR B: Again.
GN: Right. I figured talking to our weirdo employees for a few minutes once a month has to beat explaining 45 times a day that you can't order taco at a pizza hut.
MR B: Sometimes you can get pizza at a Taco Bell, though.
GN: I know.
MR B: Hey, I just thought of something: taco pizza!
GN: I think they already invented those.
MR B: I know that! I just meant I think I'm going to go get one. Good luck with your interviews.
GN: Thanks. I think I'm going to need it.