Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

February's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Senator Thomas Fenton


SENATOR THOMAS FENTON: Hello. Who is this?

Sen. Fenton

GN: It’s Gary Newbrunswick from Amalgamated Humor.

STF: Oh hello, Gary. Nice to hear from you.

GN: Congratulations.

STF: Pardon?

GN: Congratulations.

STF: On my re-election?

GN: No, no. That was month’s ago.

STF: Well, what for then?

GN: You’ve been named Disgruntled Employee of the Month.

STF: I’m what of the what?

GN: You’ve been selected as Amalgamated Humor Incorporated’s Disgruntled Employee of the Month!

STF: Uh… heh heh… um… but, Gary, I don’t work for Amalgamated Humor, remember?

GN: Oh, come off it.

STF: Remember, Gary? I’m an elected government official who has no affiliation whatsoever with your company.

GN: Then why do we keep sending those funds to your Swiss bank account every month?

STF: Ha ha. Gary, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

GN: Sure you don’t, Senator. Bye the way, how’d you like the “Christmas Elf” we sent over to you Washington apartment with your “holiday bonus” this year?

STF: Gary, we agreed never to talk on the phone about some things, remember?

GN: Oh, so now you remember things?

STF: Gary, are you drunk?

GN: Yes, I am, senator.

STF: Gary, I think I’m going to hang up now.

GN: You want to know why, Senator?

STF: Goodbye, Gary.

GN: Because I just found out they tore down my home.

STF: What?

GN: My home is gone.

STF: They didn’t warn you? Uh… do you have someplace to stay?

GN: Not my current home, damn it. My home where I grew up. My childhood home, the only place I was ever happy.

STF: Oh. Um… I’m sorry, Gary.

GN: You should be! You know why they tore it down?

STF: No.

GN: For the Senator Thomas Fenton Freeway, that’s why, you bloated sack of bureaucratic horse poop!

STF: Uh… I don’t know what to say.


STF: Get some sleep, Gary.

GN: How do I turn this thing off again?

STF: You just hang it up, Gary.

GN: No, the thing. The recorder.

STF: The what? Are you recording this conversation?

GN: For the website.

STF: Oh my ­ uh… you have the wrong number, goodbye!

(There is a clicking sound, followed by dialing.)

STF: Hello?

GN: Hello, is your refrigerator running?

STF: Uh…


STF: Godammit, Gary!

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