Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

February's Disgruntled Employees of the Month: Rocko and Tiny

GARY NEWBRUNSWICK: Congratulations, boys!

ROCKO: Thanks, Mr. N.

Rocko and Tiny

TINY: Yeah.

GN: You guys have the honor of being the first to share the title.

R: Thanks, Mr. N.

T: Yeah.

GN: I decided to do that because you guys work together so well as a team.

R: Thanks, Mr. N.

GN: And also I have no idea which of you is which.

T: Yeah.

GN: OK. So what tell us what you do here.

R: We protect Mr. Brockie.

GN: Right, you two are the personal bodyguards of Amalgamated Humor Co-President Mr. Brockie.

R: Yeah.

GN: And this is just a logical precaution since he's the head of an enormous multi-national novelty and humor corporation, right?

R: Yeah, and peoples try to get him.

GN: Yeah?

R: Yeah, peoples always want to try to get him.

T: And hurt him.

R: Yeah, get him and hurt him.

GN: Why is that, do you think?

T: Well, Mr. Brockie, he says that they are jealous of his smarts and good looks.

R: And maybe also on accounts of he can be annoying.

GN: How did you get this job?

R: Well, one times me and Tiny was outside of a bar hitting each other in the face with two by fours when alls of a suddens Mr. Brockie gets thrown out the front door and into these garbage cans in the alley.

T: Yeah. That's true.

R: And then he goes back in and they toss him out again. And this happens about five or three times and then Tiny and I stop hitting each other in the face with two by fours.

T: Because we are distracted.

R: Right because we are distracted by this guy who keeps flying out into the garbage cans.

T: Who is Mr. Brockie.

R: Right, but we don't know him yet. But then he says who he is and then we know him.

T: Yeah, and then we know who he is and he gives us a wad of money and asks us to go beat up the bar.

R: Which we does.

GN: How did you know who in the bar to beat up?

T: We didn't.

R: Sos we beat up everybody.

T: huh huh.

R: So Mr. Brockie liked it so much, the job what we did of beating up the bar, that he offered us full time jobs as his bodyguards.

T: Yeah, just like we were high school graduates or somethin'.

GN: And you've been with him ever since?

R: Yeah, having a real full-time job is good.

T: It's how come I have all my chompers now.

R: He means he got all his teeth put back in.

T: Yeah, but I like to call 'em chompers.

R: It's funnier.

T: Sometimes I have a dream about when I was a little boy and I wanted a pony. I axed my dad if I could have a pony and he punched me in the face and told me not to be a sissy.

R: Ha ha.

T: Yeah. Sometimes I dream about that and cry in the dream. And then when I wake up I'm still crying. It's weird.

GN: Uh...

R: Ha ha. Crying.

GN: Um... anyway. Ever since beating up the bar, you just protect Mr. Brockie, right?

R: Right.

T: Yes, and not any other things.

R: Right, all we does is protect him.

T: And if we was ever asked to do anything to anyone else we would say no.

R: Yeah, either with our fists or with tools.

T: Yeah, either way, we would say no to that.

R: Right. Good job, Tiny.

T: Yeah, I remembered.

GN: So, which one of you guys do you think is stronger?

R: Probably Tiny.

T: No, I think Rocko.

R: No. You are, Tiny.

T: No. Do not disagree with me or I will punch you in the face!

R: No! Because you are stronger!

GN: Whoa whoa, guys. It's OK. Never mind. Forget I asked.

R: Mr. N can decide who is strongest of all!

T: Yes!

GN: What? How?

R: We can both punch Mr. N in the face and he can tell us which hurted more.

GN: Wait, no! Forget it, guys! Never mind! I don't care!

R: Tiny, you go first.

GN: No! NO!!!

T: OK, thanks. OK, here we go!

GN: No!

R: OK, Mr. N. Get back up and I will take my turn!


R: Mr. N?


T: Mr. N you have to get back up so Rocko can take his turn.

R: I think you broke him.

MR. BROCKIE (enters): OK, girls, tea time is over. Back to work!

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