Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

February's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Pam Wilson

Pam Wilson, with one of her daily charges.
Amalgamated Humor Archives

Gary Newbrunswick: Congrats, Pam.

Pam Wilson: Thanks, Gary.

GN: Why don't you tell us a little about what you do here at Amalgamated Humor?

PW: Sure. I'm in charge of the daycare center at the main corporate office. Employees drop of their pre-school aged kids here in the morning and we have fun all day until mommy and/or daddy are done with work.

GN: You must love kids.

PW: I sure do.

GN: Did you work with kids at all before you started here?

PW: Oh sure, I spent almost a whole year as a schoolteacher.

GN: Before the big bucks here at AH lured you away?

PW: No, before I was fired.

GN: Oh. Uh.

PW: Yeah.

GN: Why were you, um, fired?

PW: Oh, you know how schools are these days. It's all bureaucracy, all politics.

GN: Mmm Hmm. More specific please?

PW: Well, some people on the school board had problems with some of the things I was teaching in class.

GN: Such as...?

PW: Well, you know with the special effects they can do on TV, they can fake almost anything.

GN: Go on.

PW: Well, I just opened the kids minds to the possibility that maybe, let me repeat that last word, maybe the NASA moon landing was a hoax.

GN: "Maybe."

PW: Right, and if I happened to state that it was my particular inclination that said lunar landing was in fact a hoax and part of a larger government conspiracy to divert our attention from funds that were not being spent on the space program, but instead on genetically engineering a race of super soldiers who only needed to eat once a day and void their waste products once a week, I don't see how that's a big problem.

GN: You don't.

PW: No. I didn't say these things were facts. I said they were also possibilities. Valid possibilities that could not be disproved and which I happened to believe in. Deeply.

GN: Oh dear.

PW: And if the school board is too prudish to accept the very graphic sexual-education videos I was showing, I think maybe they are the ones with the problem, not me.

GN: What, uh - what grade did you teach?

PW: First grade.

GN: Oh, God.

PW: Don't feel too bad, Gary. I have a good job now with Amalgamated Humor. I'm just happy to be working with kids again.

GN: Yes, well...

PW: I'm looking forward to seeing little Gary Jr.'s show and tell on Friday.

GN: I wouldn't get my hopes up, Pam.

PW: No? Won't little Gary Jr. be in on Friday?

GN: Let's just say "Maybe."

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