January's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: John Vickers
Gary Newbrunswick: So, you're new around here?
John Vickers: Well, sort of. I've been an assistant in the Executive Office for a couple of years, but was just recently assigned to my new job.
GN: Which is?
JV: Uh, Executive Administrative Assistant to Mr. Brockie.
GN: Really? What about Rocko and Tiny, his other "Executive Assistants?"
JV: They're taking care of Amalgamated Humor interests in Central America for a few months. Mr. White felt that in light of certain events over the past year- the robot kitty incident, the faked kidnapping, insulting the President of France- that it may not be in the company's best interests for Mr. Brockie to be left alone.
GN: So, a handler?
JV: That's kind of insulting to Mr. Brockie... I'm more of a...
JV: No, see, I-
GN: What do you have to do?
JV: Just stay around, make sure he doesn't get into things, cause problems-
GN: So, a babysitter.
JV: -sigh- Yes, I suppose.
GN: Has it been tough so far?
JV: Well, a little, with the holidays and all. I have to stay in a guest room at his house, drive him in, follow him to his bi-weekly craps game. New Year's Eve was hard.
GN: Oh, lots of partying?
JV: No, it was just sad. Mr. Brockie spent the entire night in his den with a thermos of Amaretto Sours and a loaded pistol, crying and watching the Marx Bros. marathon on Turner Classic Movies.
GN: Oh my god, what did you do?
JV: Nothing, really. I had my girlfriend over and we had dinner and watched movies in another part of the house.
GN: No, I meant about Mr. Brockie! Weren't you worried he'd do something drastic?
JV: Not really. Mr. White gave me strict instructions not to discourage that sort of thing.
GN: Of course. So, is it hard to keep tabs on him?
JV: He's snuck away a couple of times, but I usually find him down at the pool hall, getting taken by a grifter in from a large midwestern city. He's harmless, though. I don't see what the fuss is about. He's just this hapless idiot man-child who-
(A loud explosion is heard. Mr. Brockie runs into the office.)
Mr. Brockie: You never saw me!
(Mr. Brockie runs out of the office, Mr. White runs in)
Mr. White: Where's Brockie? I'll ring his neck for blowing up my new humidor! Vic-kers!
JV: I'm going to hate this job.
GN: Better you than me, pal.
(Wacky theme music plays)