FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
We've received several pieces of mail here at Cap'n Wacky's Boatload of Fun, and none of them have sounded like this:
Dear Cap'n Wacky,
Your site brings me hours of entertainment, and all for free! What can I do in return?
We'll answer anyway, with this handy list of ways you (yes, YOU!) can help out Cap'n Wacky.
1. Visit www.capnwacky.com and visit often. We update every Friday with choice comedy caught that morning by Cap'n Wacky himself.
2. Display our address prominently by getting it tattooed on your forehead. If you're a sissy, pen and ink reapplied daily will work just as well.
3. E-mail everyone you know (even the bad people, we're not picky) and tell them how much you like Cap'n Wacky's Boatload of Fun and how you'll never be friends again with anyone who doesn't look at it.
4. If you're having a baby soon, why not name it "www.capnwacky.com," or if you're stuck on more traditional naming styles, "Cap'n Wacky" will do. We will NOT sue.
5. After every meal/amusement park ride/romantic encounter, say, "That was good, but not as good as Cap'n Wacky's Boatload of Fun."
6. Write a hit song called "If Loving Cap'n Wacky is Wrong (I Don't Wanna Be Right)."
7. Carry a song in your heart (this may not help directly, but the Cap'n will feel good knowing you do).
8. If you get arrested for some sort of heinous crime that gets lots of national media attention, try to mention our address in an interview or two. Maybe even scream it out at the trial!
9. After hours, sneak around at work and reset everyone's home page to www.capnwacky.com. They'll thank you for it later.
10. Send money.