FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
DORAVILLE, GA- Late last Thursday, corporate officials were stunned and saddened to hear of an accident at the Amalgamated Humor, Inc. plant in Doraville, GA. (plant #362), in the heart of DeKalb County.
The facility, which processes content for the company's wildly popular humor "web site," http://www.capnwacky.com, had just been cited for a perfect safety record, a twist of fate to which even O. Henry would have to doff his velvety, velvety top hat.
According to eyewitness reports, one of the plant's mighty web presses "just went haywire," its robotic arms grabbing everything in sight, crushing three employees.
Local authorities don't plan a lengthy investigation, though.
"This is clear-cut case of human neglicence," Sheriff Harlin Wilkes said. "They were probably just messin' where they ought not to have been messin'. No need to blame such a major employer in this area as Amalgamated Humor."
The company was saddened to announce that the incident will delay the launch of their "Jimmicam" feature, a delicious satire on the popular "Jennicam."
"This couldn't have come at a worse time," said Amalgamated Humor, Inc.'s Senior V.P. of Public Relations, Gary Newbrunswick. "The entire AH family is saddened at the loss of a section that the public would have flocked to."
"We are all deeply saddened by the temporary tragic delay of the Jimmicam," said Amalgamated Humor Co-President Brodie H. Brockie. "The delay may be a week, it may be two, it's unfortunate, but we must all find the courage to move on somehow."
A company lawyer then whispered something in Brockie's ear before he added. "Apparantly we are also sad that somebody died or something."
A visibly-shaken other Co-President, R.J. White was reached for comment at his condo in Cancun.
"I just thank God that nothing happened to eGad," White said between long sips of Long Island ice teas. "I just don't know what I'd do."
A tentative launch date for the new section is pending.
The three employees will be buried in unmarked graves in a special memorial field on the plant grounds, without an autopsy.
Amalgamated Humor, Inc. will be setting up scholarships in their memory for the children of employees of the DeKalb County Sheriff's Department and the DeKalb County Prosecutor's Office.