FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
By Al Vardo
ANN ARBOR, MI- Some said it couldn't be done.
Back in the heady days of 1999, when web sites were sprouting up like weeds, humor sites even moreso, novelty manufacturer Amalgamated Humor launched a brave new venture on the internet, Cap'n Wacky's Boatload of Fun (capnwacky.com).
Most of those other attempts to meld the internet with real world thinking have come and gone, but Cap'n Wacky's Boatload of Fun still stands up amongst the wreckage.
"This is what it's been leading up to," said Amalgamated Humor Vice President of Public Relations Gary Newbrunswick. "Not a lot of web sites these days make it to the big oh-two and I think this a special achievement, that we should be heartily congratulated for. Or, I mean, for which we should be heartily congratulated. Sorry."
One key to the site's continued success is that it hasn't had to rely on any financial solvency whatsoever.
"Not making any money on it gives us a lot of freedom," said Amalgamated Humor co-president Brodie Brockie.
Co-president R.J. White, also in the room, merely gave a dissatisfied grunt.
"Besides," continued Brockie, "we have plenty of money in offshore accounts for projects like this, so it'll keep going for at least another good year, year and a half."
At this point, Mr. White hit Mr. Brockie in the arm, muttering "Idiot," causing him to cry.
To celebrate their two years of nearly continuous weekly operation, Amalgamated Humor officials are planning a massive gala celebration, set for August 29, in the Peninsula Room of the Ramada Inn.
According to organizers, several celebrities are invited to attend and perform at the event: Sheena Easton, Ernest Borgnine, Jack Jones and famed funnyman Geechy Guy.
"I can't name too many names, because things are still in the negotiation stage," teased Public Relations assistant Nolan Willis, "but let's just say a party with the initials of H.T. is verrry interested. Very.
"We're not sure who that is, exactly, though. They just signed a note with their initials. We're looking into it."
Also expected to attend are such Cap'n Wacky regulars as "It Ain't Cool In the Basement News" editor Hairy Knavel and advice columnist/bodyless alien Zonar.
"Oh, gracious me," said Zonar in a statement released Thursday. "How happy I am to be a part of this instutition, blah, blah, blah. This little pop stand didn't start to have the slightest spark of life and intelligence until I came on the scene! Bow before my Superion might!"
Guests can also expect an exhibit of Amalgamated Humor memorabilia organized by unofficial company historian Dana Brean, a live auction from the eGad division and special remarks from the JimmiCam's own Jimmi, live via the internet.
And last, but not least, Cap'n Wacky himself will serve as the evening's master of ceremonies.
"It is truly an honor," said the mascot. "To have made it to two years is quite impressive. I don't think i've ever been able to stay sober for a full two years in all my life. It's seemed so very much longer."
Truer words never spoken, Cap'n.