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|August 8, 2001|
Dear Zonar,

I was recently driving my car through this wonderful land we call America, when I saw some extremely poor children playing by the side of the road. I pulled my 2002 Lexus PathCrusier (Eddie Bauer Edition) over to the side of the road, and offered the poor, poor children some stale Triscuts that I had just lying around in the back. They were very thankful, and took me to their mother. Momma MIA! She was extremely attractive for being a mother of nine, and offered to have lots of sex with me. Of course I did, Eddie Bauer style, if you catch my meaning! The next day, I woke up and had an awful itching sensation in my groin. Then, when I went to urinate, I felt a slight burning. Momma MIA! Now I have a red peeling rash on my butt. My question is; in a fight to the death, who would win...A bear, or a shark? I thought of this while I was driving, and it's really making me crazy. Thanks for the help.

Your friend,
Rick "The Game Master" Toekel

Dear Game Master,

Oh, you silly humans. What a simple question. Of course, the bear has the advantage as everyone knows the shark's weakness. Simply take the shark in to get a haircut. The barber will tell the shark to "sit very still," as he does to everyone - then the shark (who must remain ever in motion) will follow these instructions and instantly die! Huzzah! The only chance the shark has is to trick the bear into oncoming traffic with a strategically placed honey trail.

Of course, I'm assuming we're talking Mako vs. Grizzly here. The whole scenario is completely different if you're inquiring about Hammerhead vs. Polar or Great White vs. Koala.

I do know that Ithorians could easily beat up Ewoks if they weren't a bunch of pantywaist pacifists.

capable of beating them all,
Zonar the Superion

P.S.: I've always wondered who would in between The Thing and The Incredible Hulk. Please post your opinion in our forum.


Hi! How are you?

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See you later. Thanks

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