I can only hope this gets out. Lord knows I'm not the most technologically savvy person, but I've got to try something.

This is Amalgamated Humor, Inc. Vice President of Public Relations, Gary Newbrunswick, and I'm trapped in my office.

Our entire corporate headquarters has been taken over by robot kitties.

Mr. Brockie shows Fluffy X-10 to the gals in the typing pool.
It all started when company co-president Brodie H. Brockie got a hold of one of those cute, lifelike, Japanese robot kitties on Wednesday, about a week before they were supposed to be released to the public. It came in a package marked "Happy Birthday, Brodie from C.S."

I remember now Mr. Brockie mentioning he initially thought the gift to be from author C.S. Lewis, despite not knowing him. However, when it was pointed out that Lewis is dead, Brockie said he simply didn't know who the gift was from.

I didn't think much of it at the time.

Brockie proceeded to take his new toy, which he named Fluffy X-10, on a detailed, guided tour of the entire facility. I remember overhearing lifeguard Hal Meeks remark on how cute the kitty was. We all chuckled a bit when corporate security chief T.R. Hastings said the fake cat actually seemed to be paying attention.

Both men are dead now.

I'm getting ahead of myself, though. The trouble started when Brockie left Fluffy X-10 alone in his office when he took his lunch break. Upon his return, Brockie found his computer dismantled and two robot kitties in the process of constructing a third.

"Great, now I have three kitties!" Brockie shouted. These would be his last words before the kitties dragged him behind his desk and devoured him. He didnıt quite make it to that birthday.

I overheard this as I was on my way to Mr. Brockie's office to get his signature on several photographs of himself and Mr. White (who hates signing autographs, but as Brockie likes it so much, he used to sign for both of them). I then ran back into my office where I bolted the door and tried to remain quiet. The rest of what I can report is from info gleaned from overhead announcements, shouting heard through the walls, and e-mails received in my office.

Apparently, the robot kitties have continued to multiply and have taken over the entire building. Theyıre everywhere! I snapped the photo below using one of the hidden webcams we have around the office to spy on our employees:

It looks like this all over the building.

Poor Larry Gordonson in collections had his wooden leg stolen for a scratching post. Another week and he wouldıve been ready for retirement. The daycare has been completely overrun as the kitties apparently keep staring at sandbox. Being robots, they have no use for it, and yet they are curiously drawn to it.

I think they are very satisfied with themselves, these marauding feline automatons. The sound of metallic purring reverberates through the building.

Forgive a condemned manıs moralizing for a moment. But apparently when someone realized they could make creepy, lifelike robotic kitties, they forgot to even think about whether they should make creepy, lifelike robotic kitties.

Thereıs another sound now.


Itıs coming from the door! Dear God, no! Is this the end of Gary Newbrunswick? Is this the end of Amalgamated Humor?