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The Producers

This is the movie version of the stage version of the movie version. If they keep adapting this back and forth and back and forth, maybe someday one of Mel Brooks' jokes may actually get watered down enough that it accidentally contains trace amounts of subtlety.

Brokeback Mountain

The gay cowboy movie. Named Brokeback Mountain. Brokeback. Try a little tenderness, boys, it's not a rodeo.

Alternate and equally-subtle titles for the gay cowboy movie:
Bowlegged Boys
Saddlesore Sleepover
Ride 'em, Cowboy
Bareback Broncobusters
Not-So-Butch Cassidy and the Funpants Kid
Rhinestone Cowboy 2

The Ringer

This movie is about Johnny Knoxville "pretending" to be retarded in order to win the Special Olympics. This is like a movie about Adam Sandler "pretending" to be annoying, Heather Graham "pretending" to have a career just because of her chest, or me "pretending" to hate them all.

Seriously, anyone who decided to star in The Dukes of Hazzard movie has got to be a little retarded, right? Not just Jessica Simpson.

Cheaper by the Dozen 2

Now even cheaper!

Keep up the good work, Steve, you've alllllmost complete chipped away the good reputation you used to have. If they ever actually release your Pink Panther remake, that should finish it off. Oh wait, Shopgirl was supposed to help your reputation a little, wasn't it? Wouldn't people have to have gone to see it for that to work, though?

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe

Disney is promoting this movie in desperate ways to try to cash in on other recent hits. It's hard-luck British kids - like Harry Potter! It's pretty people fighting monsters with swords - like The Lord of the Rings! It's all Jesus-riffic - like The Passion of the Christ! It's stiff and boring - like the Polar Express!

Walk the Line

Finally, a version of last year's Ray for everyone who hates black people.

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