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The James Bond series is starting over again with this installment and it's sixth actor in the leading role. This time, Bond is blond, which is freaking out fans of the series which is pretty surprising. Let me clarify: I'm not surprised that overzealous devotees are going to give themselves ulcers over a mild cosmetic alteration of a fictional character, I'm just surprised there are any Bond fans left after the series' last several installments.

Rapper P. Diddy has already said that he hopes to be the first black James Bond, and fans fear these changes will only lead to more variations: woman Bond, gay Bond, Siamese twins Bonds, Robo Bond, German Shepard Bond, Superion Bond, Lego Bond, Gold Bond Medicated Powder, Spider-Man Bond, Mer-Bond, FrankenBond, and French Bond. But hey, as long as Bond hates women and blows up a lot of crap, he's still Bond, though. Endure it.  

On some level, you have to almost admire their tenacity, don't you? They're going to keep trying to make these things until one of them doesn't turn out staler than last year's joke about how some other joke is staler than the year before's fruitcake. Or until one doesn't make a dollar, I suppose.

This time around, star Tim Allen is joined by Martin Short, because that's reeeally going to help. I read that there's a 25-minute segment in the middle of the film of the two stars taking turns wordless mugging to the camera, back and forth in self-delighting smiles and winks. I know Christmas time and ham are said to go together, but let's leave some room for dessert, boys.

A quick CGI-cash in on the popularity of last years "March of the Penguins" that takes out all the sad bits, facts, and educational value and replaces them with Robin goddamn Williams voice acting. You can imagine the "creative" meeting in which this movie was birthed taking place in about five seconds. Imagine the following exchange with everyone talking as quickly as possible:

MOVIE EXEC 1: People love this penguin movie! How can we cash in?
MOVIE EXEC 2: Make computer animated penguin movie!
MOVIE EXEC 1: Who's the first person you can think of who can do voices?
MOVIE EXEC 2: Robin Williams!
MOVIE EXEC 1: Good! Make it! GO GO GO!

The makers of Wallace and Gromit put away their Play-Doh in favor of computer animation, trading the home-made charm of their previous efforts for the cold dead machine. Meanwhile, though, they still give their characters the same faces and expression limitations they always have, so they can't actually take full-advantage of the new media. In other words, the worst of both worlds.

Also, it's about mice going down the toilet, so I'm pretty sure the class factor is very high.

Hey, it's Robin Williams again, this time starring as a comedian running for President. Judging by the previews, this cutting-edge political satire finds the majority of it's laffs spinning off quotes from the Clinton administration. Hopefully they also manage to squeeze in a couple of jabs at Gerald Ford and Grover Cleveland into the mix too, because those guys are really ripe for it.

Now with three-times the sawing!

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