» Ask Zonar
» Zonar's Store

Alien vs Predator

Curse you humans with your ridiculous stereotypes of alien races as snarling angry creatures who want nothing more than your destruction! This is why I hate you so, you feeble-minded poop machines! How I long for the day the Superion destruction ships scream through your atmosphere and reduce your backward civilization to (more of) a stinking pile of debris!

Without a Paddle

...or a plot, or likeable characters, or good acting, or a decent script...

The Village

Director M. Night Shalyman (who despite choosing this name for himself is allegedly an adult) closely guarded the end of this film. From what I hear, it ends in audience members feeling bitter and cheated out eight dollars.

The Bourne Supremacy

If this movie isn't about Zonar, they should not be using that title.


Watch your backs, The Whole Ten Yards, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London and, Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights - the race for most unnecessary sequel of the year just got even tighter!

The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Exorcist: The Beginning
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2

Let me point out something for you here to help you in the long term. Avoid any movie with a colon in the title. Sometimes, movies are just like your inferior human bodies; the only thing that comes out of a colon is crap.

Also, and now the race for most unnecessary sequel of the year is OVER. Congratulations, Baby Goddamn Geniuses 2.

Archive of past reviews - CLICK HERE

Looking for "Ask Zonar" columns? CLICK HERE

Agree? Disagree? E-mail