WAR OF THE WORLDS
Agh, again? How many times must humanity suffer the mindless assault of
this story? Superior beings from outer space attack Earth with advanced
weaponry, ships capable of intergalactic travel, and yet they never seem
to have thought of vaccinations. Sorry, humans, not even Martians are
Trust me, toilet monkeys. When the Superion Invasion Fleet arrives, we
will not be felled by your microbes. We fear not your bacteria! You poop
machines will fall beneath the tide of our superior intelligence and not
even your tiniest creatures will be able to save you.
And by your tiniest creatures, yes I do mean Tom Cruise.
...another series of films sure to offer diminishing returns.
...to scowl rather a lot.
...to take himself too seriously.
...to chafe from his rubber pants.
...to wonder if maybe the Adam West route was really more entertaining
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
Jonny Depp acts fey and wiggy, Tim Burton likes dark stories and swirly
art-direction, Danny Elfman's music goes BUM bum BUM bum!
We GET IT, boys. We got it the first ten times. Got anything else? No?
Can we all retire now then? Thank you.
Oh good, another movie based on a Marvel comic book. The theaters will be
smelling of wet nerd for another six months.
Hollywood seems bent on making a big screen version of every one of
Marvels ridiculous adolescent power fantasies while novels such as "Eugene
Pickering" by Earth author Henry James or "Paramount Acumen" by Superion
author Zhernox The Superion remain unfilmed.
And you idiots think you could survive and alien invasion.
Archive of past reviews - CLICK HERE
Looking for "Ask Zonar" columns? CLICK HERE
Agree? Disagree? E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org