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This week's first Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
The Hulk

Oh, an angry green inhuman freak who is angry all the time and hates everyone. How entertaining.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
2 Fast 2 Furious

What are the two ways people are leaving the theatre?

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle

Charlie's Angels movies are for sad, horny men who are too embarrassed to go out and watch actual pornographic movies. Human children are taking their SATs right now, right? Maxim is to Playboy as Charlie's Angels is to Debbie Does Superion.

Sorry, ladies. I'm with Bill Murray, I'm not coming back for more of this crap.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd

Fish in a barrel. Next!

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Hollywood Homicide

Hollywood Homicide is about a once enormously successful movie star who methodically and coldly murders his own career. That's not the plot of the movie, folks, but that's definitely what it's about.

Hammil's starting to look like the one with integrity by comparison.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Terminator 3

The robots in these movies get more advanced and lifelike in each film. In this latest one, the main robot actually looks like he's turning into a tired, saggy old man. Remarkable technology!

I won't be back.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Legally Blonde 2

Couldn't we have just named every movie "Dumb and Dumberer" this summer and saved us all some time and energy?


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