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This week's first Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
The Matrix: Reloaded
Brilliant! I couldn't have done it better myself!

Warner Bros. has figured out the best way to eliminate the growing threat fat geeks pose to your human society.

For the perfect bait, dangle a film in front of them that they will not be able to resist. Wave it in front of them like a tasty cake. Lure the acne-ridden fattys to the movie theatres in droves. Then.... BAM! Hit them with a mediocre film that cannot possibly live up to their expectations, depressing them so that they have no choice but to end their lives in their parents' basements!

Why the gross tonnage done away with after the first weekend alone will be equal to the weight of the moon if it ate as much candy as the geekanerds!

Also, Keanu Reeves is bad at acting.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
X 2: X-Men United
I don't know very much about this movie. Apparently, it's about humans who hate other humans because they have pointy claws or silly hairdos. I don't understand inter-human racism at all. When will you humans get to the point where you understand that you're all stupid, filthy little creatures whether you have blue skin and a tail or are the Canada's most popular female song stylist?

The only other thing I know about this movie is that it has a promotional ice cream sundae as a tie-in. That's always a hallmark of quality, there.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Down With Love
You know, Rock Hudson was faking it, too, Mr. McGregor.

Just saying is all. In case you have anything you want to tell us. *cough*

I mean, we already know about Tony Randall and David Hyde Pierce.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
The Lizzie McGuire Movie
So, this film is based upon a Nickelodeon television series or some such. I thought this witch girl left the show years ago. Oh, well. Anyway, she goes on a trip to Italy and is mistaken for an international pop star.

Sure, this may sound far-fetched but it happens far more often than you think. Why, in 1977, due to a mishap, I was the keyboardist for the popular groundbreaking electrorock combo Tangerine Dream, after Peter Baumann left. My work can be heard on the soundtrack to William Friedkin's film Sorcerer and on the seminal live album Encore. though my playing was often compared to that of the angels themselves, I had a fight with Chris Franke over a nubile young fan on the West Coast leg of the tour and was forced out of the band.

Zonar does not have to see this film, for he has lived it.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Daddy Day Care
I'll admit that for a moment, Zonar was tempted to actually go see this movie. Apparently it's about male human fathers and their tribulations while attempting to provide protection and guidance to a myriad of human children and their poor control over their urine and excrement emptying systems. I am fascinated by such topics, so alien to my own 100% efficient system.

Then I remembered the only time that I've enjoyed Eddie Murphy's work in the last 15 years was when it involved a mugshot and a transvestite.

Daddy DON'T care! Oh, I'm a cad!

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