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This week's first Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
The Whole Ten Yards

Usually, sequels get made because the first movie did very well financially and studios are left with the impression that audiences will part with more money to spend time with these characters again. Sometimes, though, it seems as though they're making a sequel with the attitude of "if at first you don't succeed - try, try again."

I can see how Matthew Perry agreed to do this since he has nothing to look forward to once we are mercifully left without further installments of his television sitcom/torture ritual but and endless cycle of weight gain and pill abuse, but why is Bruce Willis doing this? Someone's got some nasty blackmail photos somewhere I imagine.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:

Some humans who enjoy "reading" comic book adventure pamphlets occasionally write to Zonar saying something like "just because a movies are based on a comic books doesn't mean they have to be dumb."

Maybe you're right. Maybe they don't "have to be," but for some reason they always are.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
The Punisher

See what I mean?

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed

I've heard a few times that this movie is supposed to be better than the first one. I've also heard many humans consider getting kicked in the face to be much better than being kicked in the groin.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

This is a Jim Carrey movie about people who are so traumatized by some of their memories that they undergo a surgical procedure to have those memories erased. I would consider having this procedure done if it could erase my memory of "Bruce Almighty," "The Majestic," "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," "Me, Myself & Irene," "The Truman Show," "Liar Liar," "The Cable Guy," "Batman Forever," "Dumb & Dumber," "The Mask," both "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" movies.

I'm leaving in my memory of "Earth Girls Are Easy" since I like to think of it whenever Carrey, Jeff Goldblum, or Kevin Spacey want us to take them seriously.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Jersey Girl

What? Again? Sorry, Jamie Gertz and Dylan McDermott. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Walking Tall

What is what you won't be doing when leaving the theater after seeing a Johnny Knoxville/The Rock vehicle?

Rule of thumb, folks: avoid performances by actors whose first name is "The."


Why is the Bush administration not doing anything to stop this massive assault of stinkbombs Hollywood is lodging at us right now? This is probably my longest list of movies not to see ever and I didn't even do "Home on the Range," "The Prince & Me," "The Ladykillers," "Ella Enchanted," "The Girl Next Door," of the "Johnson Family Vacation." What in the name of Superion is going ON over there? Are some of you actually going to see these movies? Stop it! You'll just encourage them.

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