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GHOST RIDER
Nicholas Cage stars (I could just stop there, right?) in this adaptation of
a Marvel comic book (I could just stop there, right?) from the director of
Daredevil (you're not STILL thinking of seeing this, are you?) as the
embodiment of vengeance . . . a flaming skull-headed demon riding a
motorcycle (seriously).
Johnny Blaze (really) transforms into Ghost Rider whenever innocents are
horribly wronged. If he were real, of course, he'd be racing his Harley
from Hell over any and everyone involved in making this movie.
Ghost Rider might make a decent image for a heavy metal album cover or a
picture airbrushed on the side of a rusty van, but it's not the basis for a
good movie.
WILD HOGS
It's an embarrassing time to be a motorcycle enthusiast, isn't it? You've
got three options: Nicolas Cage talking through a CGI skeleton-man, William
H. Macy cashing a paycheck along with three increasingly puffy has-beens, or
crying yourself to sleep.
300
300 is making history as the first hit film that is spent 90% in slow
motion. It's the story of a fierce people willing to go to great lengths
and sacrifice everything in order to defend the freedom of their people (as
long as those have absolutely no physical imperfections whatsoever. If they
do, it's into the dead baby pile! Wheee!).
Apparently, lots of lots of humans are killed in this movie, which sounds
like something I might enjoy, but apparently also lots of them live, which
is depressing. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate humans? Because I
do.
MUSIC AND LYRICS
Hugh Grant stars as someone great at writing music and Drew Barrymore stars
as someone great at writing lyrics in this script by someone lousy at
writing movies.
If you've been desperately waiting for a fanfic about Andrew Ridgeley trying
to make it many years after Wham! and in which George Michael never shows up
and the main character is inexplicably not gay, then this is the movie for
you. Also, you are stupid.
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