Would someone please give Robin Williams his cocaine back?
Not Ashton goddamn Kutcher, I hope.
Let's look at a recipe, shall we? Take one classic film, say "Guess Who's
Coming to Dinner." Replace Spencer Tracy with Bernie Mac, replace
Katherine Hepburn with I don't even KNOW who, and replace Sidney Poitier
with Ashton Kutcher. Replace an important message about racism and equality
with cheap jokes about how white folks and different from black folks.
Replace a longing for quality with settling for mediocrity. Replace your
sense of good taste with an unsettling queasiness in your stomach. Replace
having a full stomach with kneeling over the toilet and vomiting.
THE RING TWO
Experts on etiquette tell you it's best to pick up your telephone after ring
two. Let's hope Hollywood decides it's best to hang up this series after
BECAUSE OF WINN-DIXIE
Let's finish the sentence begun by this title, shall we? Because of
... I now understand what true torture is.
... I've found it's possible to hate Dave Matthews even more.
... I'm not bothered that Koreans eat dogs.
... I don't sleep very well anymore.
... I will never get those two hours back.
... I no longer believe in God.
And see something else.
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