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V FOR VENDETTA
Despite the title, this is not the movie version of one of those Sue Grafton
novels like "A is for Alibi", "H is for Hack", "G
is for Gimmick", or "F is for Formulaic." That's the good news.
That bad news: that's the only good news.
Things that happened to this movie during production: The author of the graphic
novel (the term comic nerds use to pretend they're not illiterate morons)
source material asked to have his name removed from the project, the lead
of his predecessor, Natalie Portman went bald, and the Wachowski brothers
were actually paid real money by people who saw the last two Matrix movies.
T for Train Wreck, anyone?
THE HILLS HAVE EYES
Then, by all means, let the hills watch this crapfest.
THE SHAGGY DOG
This movie is apparently a remake of Disney's "The Shaggy Dog" from
1959 starring Fred MacMurray and/or "The Shaggy D.A." from 1976 starring
Dean Jones. Make this movie once, shame on Disney. Make this movie THREE times,
shame on anyone who sees it.
To add insult, this time Tim Allen is the star. Comparing MacMurray's charisma
to Jones' to Allen's is a little like comparing a mountain to a molehill to
a deep, deep trench.
Apparently there have also been TV versions starring Ed Bagley Jr. and Gary
Kroeger too, but I suppose there's no use in comparing the various depths of
ditches here. Disney never met a stone it didn't love draining blood from, obviously.
Is it too soon for another damned Flubber movie?
Silly, it's never too soon (and ALWAYS too soon).
...that's how cold it would have to be in Hell before I even considered paying
to see this movie.
This conceptual film was is to be projected in ultraviolet light, which
is invisible to human eyes. Therefore, you'll probably be more entertained
going to see this movie than anything else currently available at the cinema.
I, on the other hand, am a Superion with ocular sensors far superior to
those of mere humans. My eyeballs are capable of seeing the full spectrum of
color. Therefore, you could not catch me dead at this turdburger.
SPECIAL BONUS! ZONAR'S POST-OSCAR WRAP-UP:
Nope. I didn't watch that either.
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