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This week's Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
The Passion of the Christ

In case you haven't heard about it, "The Passion of the Christ" is the new movie directed by religious devotee/Mad Max actor Mel Gibson. Lots of people won't be seeing this movie because of controversies surrounding reports of extreme violence or possible anti-Semitic messages. I shall not be seeing this movie because I did see "The Man Without A Face."

So it's "The Christ" now is it? Forgive Zonar, for he is not well-versed in your human religions. On Superion we worship naught but knowledge (except for this small sub-culture that worships individually-wrapped sting cheese packets, but we don't talk about them much). Anyway, I usually hear people refer to "Jesus Christ" and not "Jesus The Christ." Does he go by both like Batman is usually just "Batman", but sometimes you hear people call him "The Batman"? Also, I know Batman frequently teams up with Superman, but has he ever had a team up with Jesus (or "The Christ")? The Christ could distract The Joker by changing the acid in his squirting lapel flower into wine while The Batman sneaks up behind him and delivers the coup-de-grace. "Holy me, Batman! Nice work!" "Thanks, Jesus, old chum!"

Or maybe Jesus has just recently started going by "Jesus The Christ" to try to catch a little of the heat surrounding by a certain "Zonar the Superion" hmmm? Don't think I don't notice these things, Jesus.

Gibson has stated that The Holy Ghost helped him direct this movie. Some people think not, but obviously if The Holy Ghost wanted to collaborate on a film, who else would he go to but the star of the lack-luster movie based on the mediocre TV show Maverick? Who else, I ask you? I hear The Holy Ghost doesn't want to get stereotyped for just working on religious movies, though, and is trying to land the job of helming "I Dream of Jeanie: The Movie" for his next project.

If there's one thing Gibson loves more than Jesus, though, it's The Three Stooges. And if there are two things Gibson loves more than Jesus, the other thing is practical jokes. I have a sneaking suspicion that "The Passion of The Christ" is really Gibson's hilarious practical joke to get the people who normally protest against movies with violent content to go watch a film entirely about a man getting brutally tortured, abused, beaten, blood-soaked, and murdered. Oh, that Gibson is a merry prankster indeed!

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