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What's the Big Stink About Gas?

All I have heard about all summer long from the annoying hu-mans who are, to my eternal dismay, my co-workers here at Amalgamated Humor, Inc. is how upset they are about the current state of automobile gasoline prices. In the last week or so, the bellyaching caused by gas has become ridiculous! Every human I know is blowing a lot of wind about gas!

As a superior life form from the planet Superion, I am not bound by the limitations of your primitive society. In my fuel-efficient Biwheeled Ultimate Transportation Terminal (the hippest vehicle from Superion). I am able to simply speed right past every gas station I encounter! I need never stop to refill! That's right, fools, my B.U.T.T. always passes gas!

It makes me so happy to see all the sad faces of the sad humans forking over their hard-earned human money for gasoline that I honk my horn in delight as I speed by. I do it every single time! I always toot when I pass gas!

Sometimes when I see humans suffering at the gas pumps, I'm even inspired to want to make their suffering even worse. That's when I blast them with a dose of my mental rays! They may not be able to hear or see them coming, but they most certainly feel them! These emissions are silent, but deadly!

But I've had my fill of you crass cretins continuing to caterwaul about your costly conundrum. I am above all this, for I am a refined, cultured and civilized life form from the classiest planet in the universe! From now one, please keep your gas problems to yourself while Zonar continues to be perfectly content to pass gas, toot, and release my deadly emissions!

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