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This week's first Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
The Hot Chick

Ongoing Adam Sandler charity case Rob Schneider has a new movie out. The promotion humans actually have the audacity to advertise it as "from the star of Deuce Bigelow and The Animal." Apparently, they don't want to get anyone's hopes up before they actually purchase they're tickets. With ticket prices what they are today, how does someone who is dumb enough to want to see The Hot Chick even earn enough for admission?

Was it even necessary for me to point out that I wasn't going to see this?

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:

Yes, we all already knew that Hollywood has been out of ideas for years, but even Zonar never suspected it had gotten this bad. Aren't there any more miserable sitcoms from the 1960s that can be made into movies? I can't think of any other reason why someone would think they wanted to invest their money in a movie that looks like it's about a rebellious, extreme attitude, does it his own way member of a MARCHING BAND!

Perhaps as a joke, this would work, but Drumline appears to actually be taking itself seriously. Of course, that might make it a particularly hilarious comedy. The Supreme Superion knows Zonar never laughs at the movies you humans intend to be funny. Maybe Zonar should reconsider this being on the not see list? Maybe Zonar would be moved to laughter by the scowling rebellious youth who will march his own way or- Oh dear God it's just too insipid! Not seeing this!

Will even band nerds want to watch Drumline? I think they'll be too afraid there will be bullies posted at the exits waiting to sucker punch them as they leave.

There should be.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Die Another Day

Pierce Brosnan is no Sean Connery.
Halle Berry is no Ursula Andress.
Madonna, for Zonar's sake, is no Shirley Bassey.

The sad thing here is I'm reduced to lamenting how much better the Bond series used to be, when what it used to be was human excrement in the first place.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Eight Crazy Nights

Eight dollars saved.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Star Trek: Nemesis

Notice they've stopped numbering the Star Trek movies. They don't want people to think, "wait a minute, they expect me to shell out cash to see this nonsense for the TENTH time?" To lamely go where we've lamely gone nine times before! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me ten goddamn times and I deserve to the life I have as a pale imitation of a man who lives in his parents basement and cries into his pillow every night because he's never known the touch of a woman and knows he never will. Set phasers to compensate!

Also, it looks like there are no Superions in this one either. Fie!

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