By Jonathan Shipley
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his Assistant Beaker: After the show went off the air Bunsen worked in the physics lab at the Cal State. Beaker joined him to get his master's degree in engineering. They are now married, live on a beach house along the Oregon Coast, and own three lhasa apsos, one of which was a runner-up in the 2002 Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.
Fozzie Bear: Alcohol got the better of Fozzie Bear. When the show concluded he found he was typecast in Hollywood as a stand up comedian teddy bear. He drowned himself in bottles of rye whiskey. He was found dead along Sunset Boulevard after a prostitute he frequented found him. He is buried at Forest Lawn Memorial Park. His tombstone reads "Pardon Me If I Don't Get Up. Wacka. Wacka. Wacka."
Sam the American Eagle: Retiring from show business Sam moved to a ranch in northern Idaho. His political views became increasingly conservative to the point of him running a program for militant youth entitled Sam's Brigade. One of Sam's charges shot and killed a postal carrier. The FBI descended on the property. A siege ensued. Sam was rousted from the main building with tear gas and was immediately arrested. He is serving a 10 year sentence in a prison near Pocatello.
The Hecklers (Statler & Waldorf): Best friends throughout the show, they remained so when it went off the air, living near each other in Brentwood until tragedy struck August 16, 1998. At a party at Zero Mostel's house, the hecklers were by the pool when Statler slipped on the diving board, fell into the pool, and drowned before anyone realized it wasn't another Statler prank. Waldorf, distraught at Statler's death, went home, made a frantic call to Dyan Cannon raving about lost loves, and hung himself on a curtain rod in his bedroom. Dr. Teeth found him two days later.
Gonzo: Gonzo headlines in Branson, Missouri with Ben Vereen and Rita Moreno and is considering a run for state senate. If elected he hopes to improve roads, education, and bringing Kentucky Fried Chicken to its knees.
Swedish Chef: After an unsuccessful restaurant opening in Chicago (Bork Bork Bork had a number of hepatitis outbreaks), a failed spin-off ("The Sweet Swede Variety Hour"), and a tell-all memoir ("That Green Frog's Gotta' Black Heart"), he works in Ikea's kitchen in Tukwila, Washington.
Miss Piggy & Kermit the Frog: Wealthy beyond their wildest imaginations (particularly with a "Pigs in Space" movie in production starring Mark Hamill) they are happily married and living on an estate on Martha's Vinyard. They have no children because frogs and pigs can't have sex.