Recently released census data indicates that the city of Detroit, Michigan has lost a serious amount of residents in the last decade. It's also the first city in the U.S. that was once the home of over a million to fall below that magic number... well below.
Some population prognosticators predict that, at the current rate of decline, the city of Detroit will have between 0-5 residents after only ten years. Other believe that by then science will have accidentally cloned a race of hyper-intelligent super raccoons that will overthrow the Earth.
So just what will the U.S. do should it be left with a major city with no one in it? We, of course, have suggestions:
1. Turn the entire city into an enormous historical recreation tourist destination, ala Colonial Williamsburg, VA. Hire actors and other lowlifes to act as though they live the way real Detroiters did back in the 20th century. Historical events such as the 1984 Tiger baseball victory riots and annual Devil's Night fires will be recreated for the amusement of visiting families. Public eyesores such as the Joe Louis memorial statue, "The Fist", and The Dodge Fountain will be converted into fun rides for the kids.
2. Convert old Tiger Stadium into Thunderdome.
3. World's biggest landfill.
4. Put up enormous walls around the city, and make it home/prison community for incorrigible supervillians such as Gorilla Grodd, Clayface, Plant Master, and Electro. Let the S.O.B.s live with each other.
5. Main landing site for our new alien overlords.
6. Trick Diana Ross into returning to Detroit by telling her she'll be performing a benefit concert. Once she's there, nuke the city.
7. Dedicate the reamins of city as memorial to immortal funnyman Sonny Eliot.
8. Construct giant saw to cut Detroit off from the mainland, push the city across Detroit River, let the Canadians deal with it.
9. Let the Sleestaks living in the cavernous salt mines have the place.
10. Open more casinos... yeah, that'll help.
11. Oh, hell, just let Mike Ilitch buy the whole damn thing, already.
12. Put cardboard "gone fishing" sign at city entrance. Run away.