As you may have heard, some folks in the government have changed the names of certain foods in the Congressional cafeterias in response to the reluctance of France and Germany to a war in Iraq. They now serve "freedom fries" and "freedom toast" in lieu of french fries and french toast, respectively. As a public service, we offer some more name changes to be announced to the general public in the coming weeks:

Franco-American will now be known as American-American

Tour de France will now be known as Lance Armstrong's Annual Kick Europe's Ass-o-Rama

French Roast coffee will now be known as Four-Star Yankee Brew

Coup d'état will now be known as Early Governmental Forced Retirement

French Stewart will now be known as Unfunny Bastard Jones

Barrette will now be known as National Security Hair Security Devices For Security

Frenchie from "Grease" will now be known as Betsy Rossy

"The French Connection" - "Popeye Doyle's Crazy Chase"

Canada will now be known as North North Dakota

French Kissing will now be known as Liberty Licking

Croquet will now be known as Fairy Ball

Fiancee' will now be known as Future Tax Partner

France will now be known as USAF Test Zone No. 3852-D

Potatoes Au Gratin will now be known as Wisconsin Cheesy Taters

Film noir will now be known as Tom Ridge Cinema Classics

RSVP will now be known as USA Politeness-Gram

A'la carte will now be known as Ashcroftian

Au pair will now be known as E-Pluribus Unum Sitters

Avant-garde will now be known as Fruited Plains

Creme de menthe will now be known as Manifest Destiny Juice

Cuisine will now be known as hot dogs

Cul-de-sac will now be known as Reagan Roundabouts

Double entendres will be outlawed altogether because I don't get them sometimes and everybody snickers at me behind my back

Souvenir will now be known as Star-Spangled Vacation Trophies

Ballet will now be known as Abraham Lincoln

French Bread will now be known as Democracy Loaf

French's Mustard will now be known as Yellow-Alert Sauce

BÍte noire will now be known as France