Pesident George W. Bush's Inauguration Day Schedule, January 20, 2005

5 a.m. - Wake up early to practice pronouncing "inaugural" for an hour.

7 a.m. - "Totally Spies" on the Cartoon Network.

8:30 a.m. - Breakfast at Denny's. Mmm mmm, Moons Over My Hammy!

10 a.m. - Swearing in Ceremony. NOTE: Check with FCC to see if swearing is OK. This is going to be on TV, right?

11 a.m. - Music by U.S. Marine Band

11:30 a.m. - U.S. Marine Band shipped to Iraq

11:45 a.m. - Invocation by the Rev. Dr. Luis Leon, rector at St. John's Episcopal Church, Washington, D.C.

11:50 p.m. - Church and state re-separated

12 noon - Oath of office administered by Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Ill., to Vice President Dick Cheney

12:15 p.m. - Cheney returns to hospital

12:30 p.m. - Oath of office administered by William H. Rehnquist, chief justice of the United States, to President Bush

12:45 p.m. - Rehnquist returns to hospital

1 p.m. - snack break (Lunchables!)

1:30 p.m. - Inaugural address

1:35 p.m. - Invasion of Iran begins

The first family looks on as The Batmobile begins the inaugural parade.

2 p.m. - Inaugural parade

3:30 p.m. - Parade ends and President orders it to repeat with an exuberant "Again! Again!"

5 p.m. - nap time

6:30 p.m. - Dinner (Mac and Cheese with those hot dogs where you cut up one end so they look like cute little octopi).

An insulted president wonders why Trent Lott hasn't touched his Octo-dog.

7:30 p.m. - Dessert (Cookiepuss!)

8 p.m. - Joey

9 p.m. - Let the balls begin: Constitution Ball, Freedom Ball, The Patriot Act Ball, Liberty Ball, The Shock and Awe Ball, The Jesse Ball, The Mission Accomplished Ball, and Deputy Dawg's Old Fashioned Texas Whoop-dee-doo Ball

12 midnight - return to White House, check the internets to see if has updated yet.