Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to a corn-holder emblazoned with the company logo and a 14% off coupon for the staff cafeteria, they also get a featured interview.

This month's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Pernilla Tilson

Pernilla Tilson
Amalgamated Humor Archives

PERNILLA TILSON: OK, so we'll take it as given that you start out congratulating me, I thank you, you ask me what my job title is and then I tell you it is "Efficiency Coordinator." Moving on.

GARY NEWBRUNSWICK: Wow. OK. That was a little brusque.

PT: Just trying to be efficient.

GN: Because, and since you're about to ask me just what an Efficiency Coordinator does, I've been hired to learn about all aspects of Amalgamated Humor's production and business practices and look for ways I can make them more efficient.

GN: I see and -

PT: I've been an Efficiency Coordinator for 13 years and have been with Amalgamated Humor for the last 7 months.

GN: OK. And what are some of the things you've done to improve efficiency here at Amalgamated Humor?

PT: Nothing.

GN: Nothing?

PT: I don't like to repeat myself, Gary.

GN: OK, WHY have you done nothing? Because our business is already so remarkably efficient?

PT: Please don't make me laugh, Gary. It's not an optimum use of oxygen.

GN: OK, so you explain why you've done nothing.

PT: As I said, I have been an Efficiency Coordinator for some time now. I know the cycle of what happens: I get hired by a company, I make several important changes throughout the organization, and efficiency improves tremendously. After that, there's nothing really left for me to do. As a reward for doing a great job, I am let go. After I'm let go, everyone slides back into their old habits and efficiency returns to its pre-Pernilla levels.

GN: So...

PT: Exactly. This time I have chosen to skip all the steps in the middle, simply doing nothing to improve efficiency. That way I get fired more quickly and company practices stay the way there are, which is where they'll wind up in the end anyway.

GN: That's ridiculous!

PT: Ridiculously efficient!

GN: Well, OK. Uh...

PT: Interview over.

GN: Huh, but it's so short!

PT: I think everyone pretty much gets the joke already. Good day.

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