Part Five: The Hard Way

So, back on the street with my wallet empty, but still full of optimism, I knew I wold find someone willing to put their money behind the good Amalgamated Humor name and the idea of organized gambling.

This, too, turned out to be harder than I expected. Even though the streets must have been flush with people who had just earned their fortunes in the casinos, none of them seemed willing to back my plan, nor listen to it for more than approximately one third of a second.

I chat with a potential investor.

I did notice there were other individuals on the streets also looking for investors. I stopped and chatted with a fellow who looked to be interested in opening a bar (his sign read "Why lie ­ I need beer"), and thought he might be interested in going in with me on the Cap'n Wacky hotel and casino. He didn't seem particularly interested. Or sober. Also, he didn't smell so good.

That's when my idea hit me: I didn't need to wait until construction was complete. I could get started right away running the casino all by myself. I went back to my vacant lot, borrowed a cardboard box from a guy sleeping under it, and broke out the complimentary cards I had been given at the Tropicana.

The Cap'n Wacky Casino was officially open for business.

Now, not having proper advertising nor big shiny lights, I had to shout at passersby to come and try their luck against me. I was even prepared for the unlikely eventuality that I might lose yet again ­ even though I had no money left on me, I still had some great Cap'n Wacky merchandise I could give to any lucky gamblers.

As it turned out, however, that wasn't necessary. The first "customers" I had turned out to be representatives from one of the other local establishments who convinced me to put off my plans to open a competing casino. By "convinced" I mean they smashed by borrowed box, tore up my cards, and hit me with my Cap'n Wacky statues until we were both broken.

I knew I picked the wrong time to give Rocko and Tiny the night off.

Still, I'm determined to go back to Las Vegas and open the Cap'n Wacky Hotel and Casino some day. I'm not intimidated easily, after all. As the co-president of one of the world's foremost humor and novelty companies, Išm no slouch in the revenge department either. I know a couple Sicilian gentlemen whošll soon be picking up their drinks only to find them dribble right down their chins.

Then we'll see whošs king of the strip.

Just as soon as the board of directors gives me my expense account back.